Monday, August 27, 2007

The Do's and Don't of Getting Completely Shittered

Do start off the night calmly to trick others into thinking you're civilized and can have conversations

Do eat corn and veggie burgers to help soak up any alcohol beforehand.

Do slam about three doubles in roughly an hour

Don't turn down the chance to have seventy five dollar lip plumper put on. It looks fabulous and I'm going to start making payments.

Do look into collagen for your lips after seeing the lovely Steve (my fav new makeup artist) has it done and it looks great

Don't hesitate to make out with said boy (he's gay so it doesn't count) to see if his lips feel as pillowy soft as they look. They do. Also don't let the fact that the host's parents are in the room discourage such behavior.

Do go with strangers in a car you hope will bring you downtown.

Don't spill the entire content of your purse on the driveway. A black driveway in the middle of the night. Your phone will get lost in a puddle of water and won't work properly after and it'll be an adventure to find it.

Do try to convince a bouncer you're sober enough to get into the bar. Don't do it while your friend is standing there with her underwear tucked into her skirt.

Do go to the next bar that'll let you in. Do make out with said panty-showing friend. Don't be surprised when guys stare at you afterwards.

Do have shots of liquid you have no idea what they are or how they were paid for.

Do go to a friend's place to drink more. Lose your jacket there. Do decide that hottubbing would be fun. Clothing optional. Do at this point lose your socks and knickers.

Do wake up the next day to find you're still completely hammered until 3 in the afternoon. Do attempt to steamrool your friend only to realize that would mean possibly getting sick.

Do go to the mall. Do get a friend to chauffeur your drunk asses. Do get poutine. Don't lay on your couch or you'll be stuck there all night willing yourself not to be so lazy.

*Bonus points if your memory of the night becomes intermittant after 12pm.
*I've since recovered half the lost items

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Yeah yeah, it's been forever...

But apparently crashing a car is time consuming. You'd think I'd have the routine down by now but nopers!

Lawyers and doctors and ICBC oh my! What fun it's been wading through the paperwork. but when the dust has cleared I have me a new car. Or newish. A 1999 Oldsmobile Alero with tint and a spoiler. So this one looks nicer than the last one. Being that driving now scares the living bejeebers out of me now methinks this one may actually stay on the road for awhile (knock on wood).

So as if having scars everywhere from impaled glass wasn't enough now I have an effed up back. Which makes me feel about 80. But a fine looking 80. So extreme dance offs and fights to the death will have to be put off for at least a few weeks.

I was all gearing to post but was just reminded by my hungover ass that i have a hot date with the couch for some spooning action...

expect more later