Thursday, February 26, 2009
When I was twenty one I came to Kamloops to come to school for my second year college, a spritely young thing. No longer as innocent or as virginal as my first try at college, but certainly not a worldly sophisticated woman in any sense of the word. At that point I had seen peen, but the encounters were still minimal as I had only been with my first love.
Now that my appetite for peen had been discovered only to be crudely ripped away from me post break up, I was looking for something to sait without the chance of AIDS, PREGNANCY AND DEATH.
And so when during my first week of college, at my new school on my new campus I was invited by a very liberal feisty group of woman to go to a sex toys party, I jumped on it. While we licked edible body creams and sprinkled shimmer dust on ourselves while those with partners giggled about what they should buy for some bedroom sparks. As a single woman I didn't really care about the warming massage oils, I was there with for one thing and one thing only.
A vibrator, namely.
So the time came and they started twirling the room as battery fuelled batons of pleasure. Every light, shape, size and girth came my way to look at, turn on and estimate how much it would turn me on. They had fancy clitoral stimuli and were whisper quiet and had beads and bumps to hit the g-spot Just So. I still don't know the point of the ones that light up different colours as it's not like your cervix will know the difference.
The only problem is that most of them cost a lot of money, 110.00 and up! That was money to be spent on tuition. I mean beer. I mean cigarettes. So when one was held up and not turned on it but priced at only 40 buckaroos it made me think that it would be the best choice economically, so I shelled out my moolah and traipsed home with my anonmously suspicious blacked out bag.
The thing is at home it looked a lot bigger. And bigger is only better until your ovaries are getting punched in the face. At 5'2" and not even a buck, the sheer logic was that it almost reached belly button potential. Yikes. But with the right amount of bad lube and D volt batteries I was still going to go pioneer on this bad boy. Travis was his name.
Travis was one bad ass motherfucker alright with a bad ass engine to boot. From the moment I turned him on he had things to say in VERY LOUD VOICE. Travis sounded like a car backing up that happened to be powered with an old lawnmower engine. Travis was the reason that the first time I turned him on ALL THREE ROOMATES stepped away from whatever and whoever they were doing to see what the noise was in my bedroom that late in the pm.
Travis was never to go near my kitty again. But that is not to say that he didn't make a great margarita mixer and in tune a great conversation starter at parties.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
I know I sure do. I'm one of those bastards that loiters around the Costco stands while they cut up the thin crust pizza as if I really am interested in the giant econo jar of Pesto sauce just to avoid feeling like a barn animal waiting for it's next feeding. If a drink is bought for me and it's gross, I'll drink it anyways and convince myself it tastes better because it's free and by default free stuff tastes better. I have a plethora of free samples of random things in my house; shampoo, conditioners, hotel lamps, all free!
4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, and link back to the person you recieved your gift from!
don't forget to actually say YES!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
So far I have learned:
Hi. Hello. My name is Meghan. How are you today? I am (well/very well/so-so/bad). Thank you. Please. Water. Wine. Beer. Tourist. Shit. Goodbye.
I don't see it getting me very far. Hydrated and polite, but not very far.
So I picked up some cd's (to go with my super rocking discman I tote around like it's 1996) and have been listening to them a bit throughout the week. The cd's are meant to learn Spanish for your trip with useful phrases you would be expected to use while on your vacation.
They are not useful.
And they are not phrases I expect to use while on vacation. In fact, it's safe to say common phrases from the cd expected to be used are very different from the phrases I expect to use.
"This is my friend Juan. He studies philosophy."
"Hello Juan. Philosophy is a very interesting subject."
"I'm sorry kind sir, I seem to have lost my pants again. May you please help me find them?"
"Are you a doctor, or are you all doctors?"
"We are all doctors, here. Pleased to meet you."
"You're hot and I appreciate that. Might you have a face I can sit on?"
"Is that water, or is it wine? I do not know whether or not it is water or wine."
"May I please have a drink or seven for my friend and myself? With a lime?"
"The lake goes into the ocean. The ocean and the lake are different. The river and the lake are different."
"I like rum. Rummy rummy rum. Yum yum yum. In my belly. Down the hatch it goes."
And so forth. So if anyone knows of a cd/ tape/ translator who can help me with the things I will need to know rather that discussing lakes and philosophy it would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise I'm going to be the douchenozzle who just randomly shouts out spanish words when drunk like a tourettes patient in a bikini.
I'm so getting punched in the face in Cuba.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Pictures of Tinkerbell and me practising Blue Steel in front of the camera. It's still a work in progress. But even better, was receiving my passport in the mail! And was super excited until I saw I look like a criminal in the picture...
And it made me want to flee the country greatly, but I am holding back as I am going to be taking off in 5 weeks and it will take less explaining to my work this way.
I ventured into baking land once again after the last spoiled attempt ended in burnt cookies that even my baked friends wouldn't eat. And a cake that was heavier than a hockey puck. But this time I went for something a little easier (baby steps) with apple crisp...and it turned out!
I'd offer to share some, but then I'd be lying. Suffice to say it's good.
I also added twitter to my blog this weekend. Now I'm not quite certain what it entails but get that it is like text msg/facebook status for blogs so feel free to add me and then you can get updates such as..
Meghan is contemplating torching her office work, if the office goes up with it, so be it.
Meghan is Glen Coco
Meghan didn't watch the Superbowl but used it as an excuse to eat natcho cheese
Meghan did 25 sits ups today as a part of her pact of doing sit ups every day for a month and almost vomited.
Okay, so I may not really be selling myself here, but you should add me anyways cause it's fun and I want to be in on it. I hope everyone else had a fab weekend as well.