Friday, February 29, 2008

My Mr. Big

Have you ever.....

Had someone in your life who you feel "gets" you. Who you can say anything to and it won't matter. Who has seen you at your best and worst and is still there?

Had someone who you have regular sex with and don't feel dirty or ashamed, whose eyes you can look into and know they'll look right back.

Had someone who has never mistreated you in any way, shape or form. Who has been a constant for the majority of a decade, always making a point to show back up in your life.

Had someone who pushes you to be a better person and forces you to think things through in a way that may be difficult. Who makes you face your fears and face the future. Who makes you strive towards being the person they see you as.

Had someone who has seen you grow over the years and change and embraced it. Who has seen you make mistakes and not judge, who has seen you through it all.

Had someone who you have the ultimate highs and lows with. A conversation can have you wanting to throw something at them during a debate and an hour later laughing so hard you want to cry.

Had someone you actually feel really comfortable around. And that's a rareity.

Had someone you talk to almost every day. Who is one of the closest friends you'll ever have.

......and they love you as a friend and won't date you.

I think it's time to close the door and take it for what it is.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Meghan vs. The Sun. It's On!

So as mentioned in previous post I don't have a good relationship with the sun. In fact it could be called shoddy at best. Don't get me wrong, summer is my favourite season and I am elated at the thought of strapping on sandals, tubing down river and frolicking in the park. I believe I was born during the summer for a reason and any day with sunshine can bring a smile.

And a sunburn. I do not tan. Redheads tend not to tan. Plus people with pasty white skin. Who get bad ass heat rashes. I either spend the summer with a blissful glowing white demeanor hidden under layers of +85 sunscreen and hats or a sexy shade of fire engine red. A few lucky summers have giving enough freckle coverage to almost feign for a splotchy tan or a life sized connect the dots game.

Last summer I came to terms with it and decided to go to the tanning bed. I had a handful of appointments that even dracula could handle. 2 minutes here and there and it lead to a smidge of colour. Not a tan, but not a glowing white either. Hurrah. Until I reached that dreaded 5 minute mark on the bed. Then all hell broke loose (burn/blisters/ skin irritation) and I ran back into my shell of coverups. You know it's bad when you tan and your friends have devised a way to use your paleness to their advantage...

"So if the cops try to take our alcohol on the river, we'll just get Meghan to flash them. They'll be blind and we'll paddle away!..."

This year, much of the same deal. The barometre is rising and winter coats are getting traded in for spring ones. And me and the tanning bed are making a sequel together. 1 week of 2 minute tans....fine. No change. Alrighty, so two weeks ago I had a couple sessions of 3 minutes....gradual skin change. Hurrah. No pain, nada. Everything is in working order. Finally this week I went upto 4 minutes. First appointment...fine. Nice, even. Second appointment, yick. Rashyness on my body. Itchy painful yuck. But I figured it could be the lotion I was using as I am sensitive to fragrance so I chucked it.

Today I go in again for 4 minutes and the epidermal apocoplyse happens. Red skin so itchy I would have taped oven mitts onto me if not to blog. Bright and tight and uncomfortable. I've thrown on some hydrocortizone cream, but it's barely touching it. That's it, another year bites the dust and time to hang up my tanning minutes and pass them off to cute blonde and brunettes who get a golden brown.

Or not.

No, this year I have decided I will prevail. The sun will NOT win this year. I will not spend another year peeling my layers of skin after the burn heals. I'm going to come up with a plan to get past this, get a base tan and have a burn free summer. So I figure before my next appt (which will be a handful of days to let my skin heal) I shall take some Claritin to see if that works. It is in fact an allergy, so why not. If that doesn't...I shall mix allergy cream with sun lotion and get the funkiest smelling stuff ever. If that doesn't work....well I'll come up with something.

UV Rays, pass along a little message to your friend RAYS of SUNLIGHT that it's on like donkey kong.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

So I drank a little too much wine last night. Oops. But that's not the post topic. It's for if anyone is good at decoding dreams as when my sleepy little head hit the pillow (passed out) this is what I got...

I know in my dream I was hooking up with a boss style figure. Easy 'nuff to figure out of you look at the past post. Then he lead me to the top of a hill in Kelowna and we walked down it while talking about trust. Then I woke up hungover (odd since I didn't drink) and he was going through my drawers and pointing out how messy I was and how he couldn't be with someone messy.

For the rest of the dream my vision was spotty at best. I had to get up to go to a play rehersal for a play I didn't know I was in. And it was going to be showing in 3 days! I asked a girl if I could borrow her script to brush up on lines and she wouldn't give it to me. Bitch. Then all the women changed into theit costumes when I blinked and I didn't have mine on. Then we got into a fight with people who were using the rehersal space for their production of 'Little Shop of Horrors'. They won, so we left.

As it turns out it was time for some breakkie. So we went to a ginormous diner (as we're now in London) and I'm chatting with chef Gordon Rasmey who is at our table and said "I wont judge you for being a lesbian. If you work at (Company I work for) it's expected. And I said I wasn't. Then he laughed. And some girl gave me an uncomfortble hug and would not let go. Even when I politely pointed out that she was making me uncomfortable and should stop touching me. So finally I yelled at her (suddenly my coworkers showed up just to see me yelling and looked disgusted) to not touch me, and everyone suddenly got up and left because the army was coming in.


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

One Year Anniversary

It was just over a year ago today that I ended my relationship with my boyfriend at the time. I wasn't bitter but I sure wasn't looking to start anything new. Isn't that how it always works out though.

I was out and about with my girlfriends, wasn't even dressed up and we caught eyes. I was skeptical and didn't think it was going to work. I didn't even want you for crying out loud, I just felt sorry for you. And all my friends seemed to like you.In fact for the first month there was an entire bout of denial. I DON'T like you. I DON'T want to be with you. But low and behold feelings started forming and I found myself wondering about how you were during the day and enjoying spending time with you. I was hooked, line and sinker or however it goes.

Over the past year we've had our ups and downs. You hog the bed, you're too demanding and sometimes you don't seem to realize that I need space. Of course you're always there to greet me after work, don't judge my bad singing in the shower and have to spend a bare minimum of ten minutes cuddling each day. And how can I judge another redhead, muchless one who likes sushi.

It's hard to believe that it's been a year already but I think this is one of the most meaningful relationships I've had in a long time. And I can't imagine it changing.

Here's looking at you, Tinkerbell.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Your Walking, Talking, Cautionary Tale

If you're going out on a Saturday night after a big ol' hiatus from the party world, then there's a couple rules of thumb to follow. I'm just warning you so that you don't find yourself in these situations.

If you meet someone and they turn out to be a part of your business team from Toronto, don't go, "Oh, so you're who's call's I've been avoiding."

If they're cute, don't eye fuck them. Seriously, stop it now!

Don't even think about going on the dancefloor with them. Refrain from dirty dancing with them when realizing that they would technically be your boss.

When the bar lights go on at the end of the night,realize you're drunk enough as is and don't go on a mission with your new dance partner to find more alcohol. Also ignore the phone ringing in your pocket. It's just jacket losing asshat trying to booty call.

When you find that you're place is the x on the map with more alcohol, hold up from going there. Also don't kiss this person. Fooling around is however optional.

When this boss dude dancing partner guy stops and says he can't go on cause he has a gf, try to find a classier approach than "You're useless to me. And the male equvalent of the cocktease. Goodnight."

In the morning when he wakes up and complains of a hangover, kindly get him a glass of water. Put ice and a straw in it for easier and more pleasurable drinking. Then slap him in the stomach for not telling you about the gf before you got into the cab. But not too hard or he'll puke on your bed.

Find out his real age. For example if he is throwing words around like "I feel 26" it doesn't neccesarily mean he's 26. It could in fact, mean he's 22. Just saying.

Make certain so that someone you both work with on the team sees you leave the bar, so that when he goes missing the next day everyone on the team retraces his steps it leads back to your place. And they all know he has a girlfriend, so you now look like a bar slew (even though nothing happened).

Make sure that it's great gossip for all the people on the team by 10am.

And avoid this boss at the upcoming conference in Salt Lake City.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Is Today a Holiday?

Wait, I hadn't noticed.

But I did get a couple boxes of chocolates on a great sale.

But seriously. I'm someone who should hate Valentine's Day. Over the years on the day of LOVE I have:

  • Been stood up by a guy who was charming and show grandoise plans to make me a yummy (and vegetarian) supper. It didn't happen. If I waited I'd be dead from starvation.

  • Been dumped. About 3 days before Valentine's Day. Where I did not see it coming and yes, I had in fact bought him something. He spent the day with his new girlfriend. I did not.

  • Had a boyfriend choose to get high with his friends other than spend time with me.

  • Gone on a blind date with a guy who I had zero in common with. Zero. There were more awkward silence than the last time I went to church hungover, still in bar clothes

  • Started a fling with a coworker who shall now, and forever be known as fuckface who eventually ended up leaving me for slutface (another coworker with an equally inventive name). They're still together. It still sucks.

  • And finally last year I also broke up with my boyfriend a couple days before the fated day, but with more mutual reasoning. He was transferred to a different town through his career and we respected that the distance would not work and cut the ties.
All in all, you'd think this would make for a very bitter Meghan (who likes to write about herself in the third person!). But nope, I'm oddly blase about it. It's holiday purgatory if you will. Not the excitement of Christmas, not the shenanigans of St. Patty's Day. Pretty much a day just to reflect upon the cool people in your life you appreciate. Oh and to get drunk off wine and bloated off cheesecake. Tonight I'm hosting a spa party for single women that shall have mani's and pedi's and facials and cheesecake and chocolate and all things decadent and divine. Cause I don't need a guy to show my love to, when I can do that to myself just fine thankyouverymuch.

Happy Vantine's Day!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Ode to The Simpsons Movie

Now all I need is a SpiderPig!

Sunday, February 10, 2008


Blah. Blarg. Bleh.

Get the picture? I'm in a writing funk.

To steal from Pirate Jessica's blog I'm totally feeling the winter doldrums. I find I always get antsy in February. It's like you know spring is coming soon but it can't come soon enough. So I show my disdain for mother nature by holing up and hemitizing. This isn't new, and in fact is something I've just gotten used to come every February.

I get antisocial and find myself having to coax my psyche into social interaction..."I couuuuuld go out for drinks with people.....but I coooouuuuuld also just as easily stay at home in yoga pants eating ice cream watching Scrubs or SATC reruns...." usually the latter wins (btw totally in lust with the show Secret Diary of a Call Girl.)

I broke down and got some tanning minutes today. Usually redheads, muchlike vampires avoid the sun at all costs and tanning beds are no exception. But that's a myth as I find teensy tiny doses of fake sunshine not only help to lighten my mood (god bless Vitamin d) but will help to make me tan. By tan I mean not so glowing white. My version of tan is most people's versions of 'normal' but it's all relative.

Hermatizing has also lead me to believe I can cook as well as the chef's on Foodtv. They make it look soooo damn simple. Two things I learned this weekend. 1.) Never add as much salt as they add. Chefs must like soup that's saltier than the ocean. 2.) Fresh parsley makes everything look better. Even microwave burritos.

But one terrific note of the weekend. When venturing out of the home yesterday, as like most creepy hermits I have to go outside once and awhile for fuel (Starbucks) and rations (mini pizzas) I found my way to Value Village. Often I find crap there. Overpriced crap for a thrift store. But ever since I found my one Louis Vuitton bag for 30$ there has been something magical which brings me back every few months in case the coincedence should ever happen again.

It did!

I was perusing the aisles when I came across my beloved LV bag. It's even in the same pattern as my other one (pics to follow). And it was only 20 dollah. And it's real, you'd better believe. Stitched emblem and everything sewn it it, number coding and all. There was another LV bag next to it that was over 70$. Why the difference? The person pricing it obviously thought the one was a fakie, and the other was real. To the untrained eye, it could have been. I marched it up to the til and paid for it....then told the sales associate it was real. She almost shat a canary and she said that ethically i should be charged me 70$ for it too. Ethically I think I rock at picking out real LV from crap. Sucka.

Not too much else to report. Ohhh, advice time.

* * * * * *
So you hook up with a guy months ago. Lets call him 'Jacket guy' since everytime you see him out drunk he's somehow managed to lose his jacket. Or just 'Fuck up' works. Now you go out with him a couple times and he proves himself to be a topnotch asshat. No manners, no respect, and certainly no decency. It;s discerning cause he looks like one of those guys that's a genuine nice guy. The he talks. Now, you blow him off and as luck has it he gets a gf. That doesn't stop him from hitting on me, but at least you know he's someone else's problem.

Well 2 weeks ago they broke up. I know this because one night when drinking about 3 weeks ago he came upto me and slurred "i'm gonna break up wisth my gerlfrends in exactly two weeksss. will you be there?" to which I wittily replied "huh?" as the fact that he had an exact date in mind threw me off. Oh and the fact that I was with someone while he said and and told the guy "this girl is awesome!" with an actual nudge and wink thrown in while I stook there mortified. I politely declined his advances, which in my drunken state meant going "ummm. no. not at all." which usually would be enough to deter most males.

Then when he broke up with his lady (to her gain) one week later (why one week? why not the two?) he sent me a msg via facebook asking if I would want to "do something sometime. wink, wink" I said I was busy that night. It went like this for a couple occasions, all ending with a polite "I'm busy." I'm not much of one to tell people to fuck off, but thought all were indications towards uninterest. Then a message "so do you want to have sex with me or not?"

Well with tact and charm like that, how could one resist! Wait, I could. And sent a message saying, "I've found the couple times we went out you were extremely rude and disrespectful towards me and I would not want to see you nor would I want to spend time with you again. I will say hi to you if I see you but other than that the ties are severed. Have a good night."

The message is as clear as crystal and I was pleased that I managed to do it with a shred of tact...but he messaged me on Friday asking what I was upto and if I would be at the usual hang out place. At this point a block on facebook is in obvious order, but what else do I have to do to drive home the point "you're as clueless as a sack of potatoes". I mean I don't want to completely call him out because we have a couple similar friends and go to similar social settings, but I mean come on now! What does it take to get the hint!?! Any suggestions?

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Bite Marks

This sums up my mood lately, perfectly.
I may have some upcoming news.But I can't say right now. It's a secret. But soon.
Yeah, I'm an asshole like that.