Saturday, February 13, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Dad, "No, but it happened right after your mom went to Costco and I saw the receipt. I think its safe to say I know the reason."
* * *
Me, "Since you have to eat healthy, I'll get mom to send me the buttertarts that are in the freezer so you won't have the temptation. It's for your own good."
Dad, "You're too kind. No, really."
* * *
Mom, "Well he's up and complaining about hospital food. It's always a good sign when people are well enough to complain."
Me, "That's right. We're a family that likes to celebrate success with sarcasm and complaining."
* * *
Mom," Your dad now has heart medication, aspirin, blood pressure medication, sleeping pills, and.."
Me, "Think he'll share the sleeping pills?"
Mom, "Ohhhhh, good thinkin."
* * *
Me, " What all are you doing during the day, Dad? You know you're supposed to relax and take it easy."
Dad, "Yeah, I checked my email earlier. It was pretty hardcore. Now I'm going to keep on sitting. I may even stand but lets not get too crazy."
Yep. Things are getting better.
What words can I use to tell you that while I was celebrating Superbowl with friends, drinking beer and dealing with the drama of a fight that broke out at the pub (testosterone and beer aren't always a good mix), my parents were on their way to the hospital, sixteen hours away. What words can I use to tell you that while the police were taking my information outside of the pub to make a statement I got a foreboding text to call my parents right away. What words will explain the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you hear the words,
"Your Dad just had a heart attack. He was rushed to the hospital. He's in stable condition. I'll let you know information as I find it out."
What words can describe the following twenty four hours as I waited to hear the news that he was going to be alright. This was a warning, and a wake up call. He's now going to be on heart medication. He's going to be in the hospital and off work for awhile. He's going to have to change his lifestyle drastically. He's going to have to change everything dramatically.
What words can describe the anger I felt that he placed himself in this situation. Years of smoking and gravy and bacon and rye. All of it leading towards a moment, a call, a situation that although devastating was not entirely unexpected. The long hours and stressful days that could have lead up to it. The anger of remembering the conversations where I pleaded to get a side salad rather than fries and gravy.
What words can describe the guilt I feel. Lectures about smoking while secretly keeping a stash in my purse sleeve. Late night milkshake runs knowing he is supposed to watch his cholesterol. Questioning his career choices in the economy rather than supporting. Not understanding the burden of his stress.
What words can describe the thanks I have to a God I am not certain exists, that my Dad was in a center where there is an actual medical facility not a mining camp. That my mom was able to see the symptoms and react quickly. That the cardiologist happened to be on shift. That he gave my Dad a warning, rather than making him an example. I have wept to God more in the last two days than I can remember.
What words can I use to describe that right now I am scared and terrified. I am angry, and I am guiltridden , but most of all I am thankful that he has been given a second chance. I am emotionally raw, and the nerve endings are exposed. I feel like a small girl that just wants to go and be hugged by her Dad cause I know that Dad's hugs make everything better. But knowing full well that I need to be the strong one right now. Because my Dad's heart needs to heal, even when my heart feels like its breaking.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
- The oldest Jonas brother seems to smile more since he's gotten laid. Don't worry little brothers, you'll get your chance one day. Until they keep Blue Steeling.
- Green Day weren't relevant at the VMA's. They still aren't here. No seriously. They aren't.
- Beyonces outfit was clearly designed by her mother. That wasn't a compliment. Although her ability to crotch grab and headbang in a dress is seriously impressive.
- Rihanna- I'm glad you made it here despite all the shit you went through at this time last year. But get counselling for your problems. The doves on your outfit didn't deserve it.
No, seriously. What did they do to you?
I have no idea who this woman is but have now dubbed her 'Double D Tits McGee'
- Taylor Swift is precious. Like if the Easter Bunny and Mother Teresa had sex and out popped a faberge egg and it hatched Taylor Swift. Yeah, that precious.
- Is it possible to be scared of/turned on by someone at the same time? Yes. Her name is Pink. And it would be worth the risk.
- Miley Cyrus and Black Eyed Peas are bearable if you put the tv on mute. And turn away from it.
- Who is Lady Antebellum, and how do I not know about them? This rock sure is cozy and provides great shade.
- Alice Cooper, you will always make me wanna tease my hair, rim my eyes with black and dance on tables to 'Poison'. Thank you for that. Katy Perry, you can die now. And take Russell Brand with you. EDIT. I just saw this on twitter and Russell has since redeemed himself. Rusty Rockets -Grammies? Is that how much coke you need to stay awake through em? LoooooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooong. Well played Russell, well played.
- I'm sure the Zac Brown band is lovely. So if they could nicely give the Best New Award artist to The Ting Tings it would be greatly appreciated, thankyouverymuch.
- A legion of people shed a tear during the Michael Jackson tribute for not keeping their 3D glasses from Avatar.
- 'Living on a Prayer' is known to cause incessant air guitar, hip shaking, and singing into any object near by. There is no known cure.
- Dave Matthews Band are fantastically mellow. Unfortunately that translates to kinda boring when not baked. Yeah, hate me but I went there.
- Quentin Tarentino sounds like a WWE announcer. But Eminem, Drake and Travis Barker all together is a supergroup I can get behind. Or underneath. What?
Thanks for tuning in to my recap of the 2010 Grammy report and don't fret about your need to upcoming celebrity observations and judgement. The Oscars are right around the corner!...
*All photos are shanked from www.msn.ca Please don't sue me.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Picture jacked from here.
Roughly four months ago I wrote one of the harder posts I've ever written about finally dealing with life having Generalized Anxiety Disorder. At that point I was bleak about anxiety in my day to day life, but hopeful about treatment. Where I had tried options like meditation and yoga and it it was getting worse, not better. Where I dealt with it. Here is the follow up post.
I started medication shortly after the post, in a minimal dose of 10mg daily. Side effects did spring up for the first couple weeks in the form of losing appetite, spotty sleep and a general malaise. I debated stopping the pills but pushed through and within a month found they had tapered off. Taking my medication in the evening helped to ward off the drowsy feeling I get afterwards.
I didn't notice any sort of big difference in my life. Pills will not solve problems, and if you think they will you are kidding yourself. The problems are still there but I found they have brought the mental clarity and stability to deal with them. I still have the same thoughts as I always do. I still have the same comforts in routine and lists and prefer a night in to social activity. But it was when I didn't take the pills that I noticed a change.
If I forgot to take a pill in the evening I noticed myself more irritable the next day and on edge. In fact I normally ask my coworker/good friend every day, "Do you think the boss is going to fire me today?". Every day. And I am never joking. I didn't even realize I had stopped asking until one day when I had forgotten to take the pill and started questioning her. It was only then that we both realized I had forgotten said pill.
A month ago the dose increased to 20mg daily, and I didn't notice the side effects as much as the medication was already in my system. There have been adverse side effects that come with anxiety medication. I find that if I drink more that 2 drinks in a night, I black out. I haven't blacked out from drinking in a long time and that in itself is scary and I have been very aware of this side effect. Another more embarrassing one is it has affected my sex drive (good for when single!) and ability to orgasm. It'll still happen, it's just not as easy. If anything I've found its good reason to keep practising (giggedy). I questioned my doctor about them, and she said down the road there are possible avenues to take for the sexual side effects, but I agree it's not enough reason to stop taking them.
On the overall four months in, I'm glad I've gotten the help I need. Its not as scary to think that I may be on medication for life to treat anxiety. It's no different than taking a calcium supplement if you have weak bones. And I don't feel embarrassed to say I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I feel liberated that I am going on with life despite it. I am not "cured" of anxiety and will never be. I still worry too much, am prone to anxiety attacks and sometimes just have to leave social situations because I find them very overwhelming. I still have control issues and like things done a certain way. But the last time I went to my doctor a couple weeks ago she had me do some test to see where my anxiety levels are at, and asked if I was worried about how they would come out. And to tell you the truth, I hadn't really thought about it, and was alright either way. And to let you know it had shown my anxiety levels went from severe to moderate.
NOTE:This is just my story of dealing with anxiety/medication. I am not saying medication is right for everyone,it is right for me. If this is something you suspect you may be dealing with, please contact a physician to see the path that is right for you.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Picture jacked from Here
I have to admit as much as I am a forward thinking career woman with a tongue like a whip, I still have some very old fashioned ideals when it comes to social etiquette. I don't believe you should answer your cellphone at a meal, guys should pay for the first date (unless asked on it), you should show up five to ten minutes early to an appointment, and thank you notes will never go out of style.
That being said lately there are a few things that have been annoying me endlessly, and it's been a point of debate among friends if it's socially fine and I'm just uptight, or if there are boundaries that some people just do not have respect for anymore. Either way it's an excuse to rant.
Scenario 1: I'm out at a birthday dinner a month ago, at a nice restaurant where the dinner does not come free and that's fine. I give the guest of honour a nice and heartfelt gift along with a card which is appreciated and everything goes fine. Until the bill arrives and it was decided by the other guest that we would split it. I didn't want to be the ass that objects, but it was an extra 15 dollars to my bill I was not planning for when scrounging for Christmas presents. I would have gladly donated towards the dinner, but it was the expectation. I did not expect anyone to pay for my meal on mine, but that's just me. Maybe it's stingy, but it was a bit of a slap in the face after the expensive gift bought.
Scenario 2: I text someone. A day goes by, still no text back. They have updated their facebook or twitter, but no text. I understand some people are busy and not everyone has a witty reply or something to say. And that not everyone has their celly strapped to their side when eating/sleeping/bathing. But when you know someone is within constant range of their phone and they do not reply, it makes me stabby to a point of no return. Offensive, or just not expected?
Scenario 3: This one has been happening more frequently. You decide to have a social eve, so you invite a few friends out for drinks or dinner or whatever. They take that as an open invite to invite their friends. I'm all for meeting new people, and if you want to bring someone along, go for it. That's always a good time especially at social events. But recently there was a get together at a local watering hole and a couple guests took it upon themselves to invite no less than four friends of theirs. This lead to having no room at the table so that people that were originally asked to meet up had to leave. Is it wrong to think it's rude when someone takes it upon themselves to invite their friends to an event, even if it is in a public place and it was an open invite via facebook? I don't want people to feel out of place, but also feel there's a certain point when it becomes rude and also the person should mention it first.
Scenario 4: You are making small talk with someone at the coffee line up, elevator, etc. I'm the queen of small talk and have this uncanny ability to manage to talk fashion with strangers (which is odd being that I'm not fashionable). But lately I've found simply asking someone about their day/the weather has lead to the person leading into their sob story for no less than 3 minutes. Their kids are sick at home, their husband left them, the rent just got boosted which sucks cause hours got cut back at work. And not to sound like a complete heartless bitch, but really more often that not, I don't care. I just want to get my coffee from the line up without the awkward chat about court custody cases. I understand sometimes its loneliness, but seriously people need to think before they open their mouths. Discretion can be golden when I'm peeing in the stall next to you, and yes I've had it happen even there. Maybe it's heartless but I'm not a shrink.
These are just a few of the social boundaries I have noticed lately and have been up in the air about. Do you have an opinion about any of the above? What are your social grievances?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
But this post isn't about me. It's about Brandy. I may not know her but one month ago she reached out to the Internet with a plea to pray for her boyfriend who had recently been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. Posts started dotting 20sb pages and people grasped out and wondered if there was any way to answer her pleas.
The quandry: We feel terrible. Just horrible. And oh so helpless… if only there was something we could DO for them.
The answer: Ummmm. Did you forget that WE ARE THE INTERNET?!?!!??! And also, Yes We Can!!!
The result: Brandy and your Hot Awesome Dude… this one’s for you. Love, The Internet.
So without further ado....the post I jacked from Ben/ Lilu and managed to melt into one. Talent? No. Just good ol' copywriting for a cause.
(These are the people who's lives I stalk daily On video. Singing.)
Our friend Brandy is a brilliant writer, a wonderful teacher, and a generous friend. And she is in love with a man who has just been diagnosed with multiple myeloma.
We are raising money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Fund in his name. For the price of a cinnamon dolce latte, half-caf, hold the whip, you can be part of an effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.
Every dollar brings us a dollar closer to a cure. And every donation brings a sliver of hope to a girl who needs all the hope she can get.
What You Can Do
•Give. Be part of a worldwide effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide. Every dollar helps.
•Pass it on. Forward this story to five people. Share this blog post. Become our fan on Facebook.
•Love harder. Life is short, love is unbending, and no one knows what could happen next. Tell someone you love them today.
Where Your Money Goes
•The American Institute of Philanthropy recently named The Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation one of the best organizations to give to in terms of their accountability and use of resources.
•By working closely with researchers, clinicians and partners in the biotech and pharmaceutical industry, the MMRF has helped bring multiple myeloma patients four new treatments that are extending lives around the globe.
•The MMRF has advanced twenty Phase I and Phase II clinical trials. They need your support to advance these clinical research programs and accelerate the development of better, more effective treatments.
•The MMRF's Multiple Myeloma Genomics Initiative recently became the first to sequence the multiple myeloma whole genome in its entirety.
•A whopping 98% of your donation to the MMRF will be used immediately to support high-priority multiple myeloma research.
•With diminishing funding for early stage drug development and the next myeloma treatments not expected to be approved until 2011, the MMRF desperately needs your help.
MORE INFO: http://www.themmrf.org
These are the people that made this happen: Go visit their blogs and love them hard: Maxie, Ben, Tia, Alexa, Kyla Roma, Sizzle, Rachel, Jessica, Rachael, Katie, EP, Courtney, Tipp, Nicole, Jamie Varon, Laurie, L G, Ashley Marie, Wishcake, Matt, Doniree, Chelsea, Lisa, that short chick, Princess Pointful, Derek, Jess, Marie, Jamie, Jenn, Ashley, Erin, Jessica, Renee, Allie, Grace, Rachel, Restaurant Refugee, Titania, Brad, Jolee, DC Princess, Patrick, and Deutlich.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
But the time has come where I'm turning to you,sitting cross legged, grabbing my notepad and taking notes as I have questions that need answering. I've contemplating a few changes of the blog, maybe some new curtains and disco ball, and I know that you will be the ones with the answers.
So with that in mind...for those bloggers out there, what do you find preferable; blogger or wordpress?
Is there are particular site (ip) tracker you use?
Is there any way to back up all your posts in blogger without the risk of losing everything/crying in a corner/hitting rock bottom?
For those who self host, do you need to be versed in the intenet to do so? (cause I'm not always computer literate. not at all.)
Is there any way I can become a millionaire off of blogging leading to days spent on the beach with my laptop?
How do you make those little hearts on facebook?
Is it just me or does twitter grow more addicting over time?
Healthy natchos; how do I make them?
BloggersinSinCity: a somewhat good idea, or an extremely good idea?
Is it bad to stop shaving your legs cause you're dating someone long distance and they won't see them anyways for a month at a time and you're lazy and its winter and you wear pants anyways?
Please, if you could shower me with answers for any of these I shall owe you my first born, or a hug, or a shot of tequila straight out of my cleav'. Any comment, an email, a drunk text is appreciated. Please, I promise I'll do my bext to take good notes, and shall repay the favour kindly. No, not in that way. Perverts.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
When I was twenty I moved to Terrace, B.C. to go to college which was lamens terms for drink a lot and not go to class. We'd all get sexyfied up up and go out to the bar for vodka slimes and paralyzers every Friday and although picking up men was not the goal, they were always nice to look at.
Until one night when looking turned to touching. His name was Rick. I think. Meh, his name isn't important. The point is, I went home with him. Skanky, no? No. Not so much. You see cause at that point I had my virginity in one iron clad fist and someones blue balls in the other hand. I didn't want to give it out to just anyone, so instead I went home with men for heavy petting. Yes, I was the 'Everything But Girl'. In retrospect, why I was not raped, shanked and left for dead is beyond me. Stupid, stupid girl.
But anyways, I digress.
We got back to Rick's place and after some heavy making out and a couple layers of clothing coming off I decided to use him as practise for the blow job skills that Cosmo had been instructing me about earlier. I was really excited as at that point I'd only ever given one bj in my life for a man that couldn't quite salute the flag so I was excited to have a willing member to play with. And it was, well. A blow job. What can you expect?
The only thing is Cosmo had never told me that sometimes while your focusing on sucking and moving and tongue action and hand placement is that guys sometimes like to push on your head. Even when you have a bad gag reflex. Even when you've had one too many China White Shooters. Yeah, you know where I'm going with this.
He pushed on my head. And I puked all over his junk.... And groin. ...And sheets.
The good news is that we were in the dark and his reaction time was a little slow so while he was figuring out what the wet was and where it came from, in the dark I'd managed to grab for my clothes and just run. I've never run so fast out of a place. And that lead to the drunken walk 45 minutes home at five in the morning without shoes.
But you can make damn sure I've never made that same mistake again. The ten words every man needs to know are "You push on my head. I puke on your dick."
If you think that's awkward, feel free to go here and vote me for Most Awkward Blogger!