Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Wanna Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

I work in an office where I am required to live here from Monday to Friday. And although I won't talk (much) about my job on blog I can say that a lot of my day is spent staring at a computer, working with computers, numbers, events, people, places and things.

All in all, my job title is glamourous but the job itself can be far from it. In fact on days where I am running errands, climbing under dusty desks to rewire cord and trying to manage (not burn) paperwork it's all I can do to not jab a pen in my eye, claim it somehow as workers comp and frolick my one eyes, parrot on the shoulder wielding self home.
But there's one thing that can make the day go inherently better or worse. The dealbreaker, one may say.


A good lunch will get me excited like a six year old bringing the kids size kitkat to school to go with the Lunchables. A Subway day makes any stat report worth it as I know that for 30 minutes I'm going to be mowing on a delicious combination of veggies layered with processed Monteray Jack cheese and Chipotle sauce. I would eat my cat if she was covered in that Chipotle sauce. Don't think I'm kidding.

Unfortunately for me my lunch yesterday. Was. A Bust. A Lean Cuisine meal that was four whole dollars. That's a lot of dollars for a meal encased in a plastic shell to be pierced and radiated to goodness. At 6:45 am when I was getting ready to make my trip via the bus (which reminds me that I'm getting my hep shot today) I was stoked as I knew that a meal that cost four dollars and included both shrimp AND pasta and a creamy sauce was going to be delicious.

It wasn't good. Not at all. And this is the second meal I've had in the last week that has been a false advertisement of good taste. The padded bra of the lunch world , if you will. Don't these people that manufacture meals know that the time I spend eating lunch during the day is my escape from office suck? Do they not realize that if they feed me ass food the rest of the day is shot? That I depend on them to push me through the rest of the afternoon fueled by a moderate amount of carbohydrates, sodium and slight requirements from the Canadian food guide?

Apparently not. And so today I have brought not one, not two, but three slices of veggie pizza with me. And a kitkat. And a apple-pear. And a banana. To ensure that today is not going to be a day where I let a bad lunch ruin my day. Today I will have the best lunch in the staffroom where all the others are going to stare at me and wonder how awkward it will be to offer to trade me their leftover casserole for my pizza (and I'll refuse of course). Because no office work is bad after pizza. That's just a statistical fact.

( Yes. It's a slow week in my world when I'm posting about lunch. But in other news I finally found out what I Love Lamp means!)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Dirty Little Secret

I have a secret. Actually I have tons of secrets and they'll be revealed in time, but for today it's time to come clean with one I've been embarrassed about for a long time.

I can't swallow pills. Actually I have troubles with my gag reflex period (if anyone makes a sex joke now I'll cut you). I can't do shooters, and have to sip them like tea at the bar. Ask me how sexy that skill is to show off to bachelors. I can't get normal sized xrays at the dentist they have to do the child sized ones otherwize I end up gagging and puking on whatever hygenist or object is near. I can't even take the birth control pill and that's why I have a bandaid style birth control patch attached to my hip which is changed weekly.

It's not that I don't want to. I stare at the pill. I size it up. I convince myself that it's not so scary and throw it in my mouth....and nothing. The pill just gets soggy if it's in a capsule and opens up expelling whatever taste of death is inside. If it's a solid pill the gel coat comes off in my mouth and reveals the chalky underbelly of whatever nasty pill it is. I've tried pinching my nose. I've tried emptying the contents of the pill on a spoon with honey or chocolate.

And as it turns out chocolate goes with everything EXCEPT yucky pill taste. And I cannot force myself to take the spoonful of chocolate hate. It's like trying to wax your own legs. It's not putting the wax on, it's taking it off. I'd rather pay someone else for the torture any day. Unfortunately there's no job description for this which doesn't sound insane,
" I will pay someone to hold me down, shove a spoonful of chocolate/powder junk in my mouth and as much as I squirm and thrash about like a fish out of water, keep pinching my nose until I swallow!"

As you can tell, I currently have a prescription of pills to take. 4 a day. For seven days. And the bottle is taunting me, but this time is different. I am mature. It's a New Year. I'm braver and stronger and smarter than the pills. I am going to another country for crying out loud. I've attempted to take one pill so far. It ended up half melted in the kitchen sink. So I figured eating a cookie will help me to get braver. Or seven cookies. Or eight.

Alright, little purple pill. Game on. You're my bitch.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Sunshine and Lollipops!

I'm not going to post about how I got a computer virus exactly 14 days after my three year warranty expired. And how the soul sucking company known as Future Shop told me that I'd get it back for roughly 50 dollars in three days. And how that actually meant 8 days at the rate of 200 dollars.

Nope not gonna post about that.

I'm also not going to post about how I've finally gotten my credit card down to a payable amount only to have to get an emergency root canal which will probably need a crown. Even with dental coverage, that's another 400 + down the drain. Ouch. And after paying for the trip and my computer repair bill I have no choice but to put it on my credit card.

Not gonna post about that either.

I'm also not going to post about how my landlord is away on vacation to Hawaii for a month which is also around the time I suspect the hot water tank to be on the spitz. One minute warm water followed by frigid ice water rain does not a good morning make. Or the fact that my neighbours have really, really loud sex (sometimes with a third) and the thin walls does little to provide a barrier for the noise or the vibrations. Yick.

Not even gonna mention that. Cause like the other stuff it's all very depressing and negative and January is depressing and negative as is.

So instead I'm going to discuss things I like:
Patrick Swayze in Hot Pants, Foods that are Microwaveable and Preferably Cheesy,
Toy Story, Are You Being Served, Hot Chocolate with Mini Marshmallows,
Puppies, Space Monkies, Vulgar T-shirts, All Wine that Comes in a Bottle, Kitties,
Big ol Bear Hugs Like You Mean It, Warm Socks, Good Books, 10% Teacher's Discount,
The Weather Network's-Varedero Link, Tanning Beds, The Veronica's, Obamarama,
Body Butter, Any Food on a Stick, Yoga Pants Worn All Day Long, Foodtv.ca,
Canadian Tire Money, Turtles, Dolphins, Dilbert, The Real World: Brooklyn,
Set for Life Scratch Tickets, Under Eye Creams, Lava Lamps, Earls Food,
Poutine at any time of the Day-with Double Cheese,
Not Work Related Emails on the Email Work Server,
Learning Spanish Through CD-The Lazy Way, Dollar Store Treasures, Bunnies,
Robert Pattison, Discovering Blogs, Blog Comments, Happy Nappy Time,
Old Married with Children Re-runs

Much better

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Carmen San Diego

First off sorry for making it sound like I have HUGE news when in fact it's just an update in the life of Meghan. When days consist of working, surfing the web and shaking my fist at snowflakes little things excite me.

But the last post gots me a thinkin about how maybe it's time to throw a little bit of spice in my life, and so my best friend and I just randomly booked a trip to Cuba for the beginning of March. I mean I want to focus on paying off debt, but it's high time I started LIVING life rather than just watching it happen around me. Yes, in 54 days I shall be sitting on the beach, taking trips to Havana, swimming with the dolphins and scuba diving. And did I mention that this is the view from our hotel?

Yeah, feel free to hate me for a minute..... still hating me? K. I understand......alright. Done yet? Thanks.

I know it may seem lame but this is seriously one of the most exciting things to happen to me in ages. And I never do things on a whim anymore ( so what if it's almost 8 weeks away). Spontaneous to me is the days where my bra and underoos match. Okay wait, that never happens unless I know I'm getting laid. But still. I'm not a risk taker and I don't just up and DO stuff.

In fact to say I'm not well travelled is a complete understatement. Though I'm sure people who have travelled more than a couple hours away will laugh at my excitement and complete nerves for the fact that I am hopping on a plane to a country where I don't speak the language* with my best friend. I've never travelled on anything longer than a road trip without my parents as chaperones.The last time I was on a plane for something other than business was on the family trip to Florida during my teenage years where the following may have happened:

  • everyone got food poisoning on the plane. On the six hour flight. Disgusting doesn't begin to cover it.

  • On the 2nd day in Florida there was a small hurricane which grounded us to the hotel, huddled with the power out hoping imminent death wasn't on the immediate horizon before I ever got a chance to have sex with someone other than my hand.

  • Day 3. Disneyworld closed due to repairs. Another hotel day.

  • massive family fight* Jerry Springer style at MGM studios where I ended up crying like a three year old who lost their mom outside the smelly ball pen.

  • I got a caricature of myself done. Doesn't sound so bad does it? Except in highschool I wasn't what the kids would have called ' a looker'. And although I didn't expect a beautiful portrait I got back a cartoon version of this. If only I had known Disney would have capitalized on my bad overbite years later.

Representation of the Caricature that is still hanging on my parents wall.

It wasn't the WORST trip known to mankind but it definately had it's share of crap moments. I'm hoping this one goes a lot better and I am able to take in another culture without offending anyone, getting pickpocketed, getting thrown in jail or getting lost. One of the things I love about this trip is the fact that even though we are going to an all inclusive, it's right in town and so we are going to get to go to the local flea markets and stores and nightclubs and the such. El caliente!

Time to go rent Dirt Dancing: Havana Nights and start taking notes!

*even though I am rapidly trying to learn some spanish cause I don't want to be one of those asshole tourists that goes to another country and expects everyone to speak the same language

* Do all families fight when on vacation or is it just us? I swear we're like the Griswold's of Canada.

Monday, January 12, 2009

I'll Show You A Virus *Shakes Fist*

This isn't so much a post but an explanation that my laptop, Winston has been sick with a virus and in the computer hospital trying to get better. With the help of some good computer doctors they now know what's wrong with him but may not be able to fix him without deleting a lot of him memory. This makes me sad as it means I have to rebuild all new memories with him. Also, I think that the hospital bill is going to bit on the pricey side, but nothing too good for Winston!

In the meantime I am suckling from the teet of my workplace interwebs and our workplace server is touch and go at best. I can hardly spend hours a day surfing your blogs while pretending to work, muchless blogging myself so I will be out of commission for a couple more days. But when I get back I'll have some news! K, it's not so much exciting for you, but it is for me.

It has to do with making some changes in the New Year. And no, I'm not knocked up, adopting or getting another slew of cats with the smug satisfaction of being the first pre 30's cat lady.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Who Can Predict the Future, Really

All around the blogosphere like champagne corks bursting have been trepid and hopeful resolutions for 2009. Posts of self improvement and words of achievements to come glitter the internet and everyone breathes a sigh of relief that they get a whole New Year to start over fresh.

Unfortunately, I’m not one of those people as I really don’t know where I stand going into the New Year. Don’t get me wrong, I’m self aware by all means and have things I’d like to work towards if you look towards the post below. It’s just I don’t really know what comes next.*

I’d like to resolve that this will be the year that I fall in love, or find a relationship that sticks but can’t predict that anymore than I can predict the weather or the future. It’s a sad thing to realize that you are not where you thought you would be at this age, and officially not where you want to be. It’s a fine line between starting to understand those woman that reek of desperation, but also of making the best of the situation at hand. I enjoy living alone and I enjoy flirting with different men, guilt free and enjoy the freedom singleness gives.

I’d like to resolve to find my place on the social scene but I’m not quite there yet either. I like going out every once in a blue moon (and yes, I still train wreck from time to time) but find my days of going to the bars and going out all night long are winding down. I’ve been there and done it many, many time. And I don’t know where to go from here. A lot of my friends are taken and spend quality time with their significant other (understandably) and some of the ones that aren’t like to go out partying. Pretty much I spend a lot of down time reading and chilling at Casa De Meghan. Which will be great except for when some guy comes along and asks what I do for fun and I confess, “I cook microwave burritos and dance around in my underwear to you tube videos of old Michael Jackson videos when not watching Foodtv and The City or playing with my cat.”

I’m not going to say too much about the job for obvious reasons (cough*dooce*cough) but would like to say that I resolve and hope to be appreciated in my job in 2009 but can’t be certain of that either. And in a time where the economic problems are slowly drifting into Canada I should be grateful that I have a job in the first place.

Or maybe I should just resolve to stop being so self pitying and to stop feeling sorry for myself and to stop using my blog as a socially awkward therapists couch and get back to posting about things that matter. Like bringing hammer pants back, MC style.

* and I don't bother feigning like I am going to go to the gym, eat healthier or be nice to everyone in the New Year cause that's so not me.