The blog title prob made a few people cringe, but I have to admit I'm chock full of it right now with a side of progesterine. The fun of trying to ensure my uterus is not chock full of babies every month.
Of course with trying to get pill dosage right, a fun little rendevous with the morning after pill about 5 weeks ago and my normal crazyasaloon mood swings, right now to say I've been emotionally charged lately is an understatement.
This is not boding well in trying to convince my one guy friend that all redheads are NOT indeed insane.
But rather than continually feel guilty for the raw nerve endings of my psyche I'm starting to see the actual Benefits of it. Right now through my manic highs of snorting laughter and lows of offended tears I'm seeing that I am Aware of my emotions more right now than I have been in a long time. It's scary and real.
I crave food right now with the salivation of a pregnant woman.
I want kisses that are salty with passion, not bitter from booze.
I hurt when people say rude things rather than brushing it off.
I appreciate the many things people do for me, which don't come with enough thank yous.
I enjoy the new friendships I have been making and growing from.
I lust for a sense of balance between the adult I am and the immature girl that reflects back.
I hope to look better than my exboyfriends shiny new girlfriend at the dinner party Saturday.
I'm happy he's happy, but just unhappy it was so soon afterwards.
I wish people would take me more seriously. Doing stupid things doesn't make me a stupid person.
I rage when people are careless with feelings.
I hesitate to accept casual sex as substitute over substance.
I absorb stories from others, like sunshine on my face.
I speak advice I can only wish to follow myself, someday.
I care too much about the little stuff while knowing in the end the big picture will work out.
I envy people with families right now. At 28 it finally struck me...Wives. Husbands. Children. As it brings purpose that my lifestyle is too selfish and insula rto permit.
I miss a sense of belonging at work.
I love me, flaws and all.
I hate that I have to remind myself of that.
If anything this time period has allowed a sense of emotional freedom and catharsis, not wanted but expected and appreciated. A hormonal imbalance that can create a sense of chaos and inner confusion at times that make me wonder if I could be tiptoeing towards a breakdown of sorts, but with it also brings a clarity and empowerful of appreciating all the deeprooted feelings you push aside during your day because you're too busy with stuff.
What are you feeling?