Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Fame Game

Hello. I'm Paula.

What do you mean, "who is Paula?"

Don't you know who I am???

Sigh.

Okay, let's start over again. I'm Paula and I normally blog at the immensely popular (in my dreams) , award-winning (well, a couple of other bloggers have given me awards so that counts, right?) "Insert My Blog Name Here". I just thought I would practice being a celebrity. Because I fully intend to BE a celebrity one day!

I've always thought it would be a lot of fun to be famous, you see. Hasn't everyone at some point? It would be awesome, right? You get to go to lots of parties. Get given lots of free stuff. Have lots of fans - well, most of the time. It would be GREAT to have tons of people telling me how absolutely and completely awesome I am. I mean, I KNOW I am anyway, but having it reinforced is just the best.

However, there must be drawbacks.

First of all, celebrity break-ups. Now breaking up with someone in the REAL world . . . that sucks bigtime. Changing your relationship status on facebook and having everyone ask you what happened? That sucks (although I suppose it's a good way to let everyone know you've been dumped and saves you having to tell everyone individually).

But having it broadcast all over the papers and magazines? Having people reading about your pain, and what "sources" have said about you? Having to watch your ex hook up with someone else right in the public eye (if he is famous too, obviously!)? Man, that would be absolutely AWFUL. I don't think i could cope with that. In fact, I think I would have a big celebrity breakdown Ms Spears style and possibly take some sort of blunt object . .. . to my ex's head.

Which would, naturally, be caught on film for the world to see.

The second thing that I would absolutely hate about being a celebrity .. . . you know those magazine articles you get where they take a picture of someone famous and point out what's wrong with them? Like "Oooh, their cellulite is awful, isn't it NICE to know that so-and-so is normal too?" Or "Look at how weird her middle toe is in those sandals" (with a picture zooming in to the offending foot and the toe in question circled in red in case you missed it.) Or the ones where they take a picture of a old picture of a celeb, put it up next to a recent picture and decide what kind of plastic surgery they have DEFINITELY had? Even when the celebrity in question has DENIED it.

It would be hard to leave the house always having to look your best, just because you need to make sure you're not shown on the "Celebrities Looking Like Shit" page in Heat magazine (not a real feature, but I'm sure there's something similar). And then even if you DID leave the house always looking perfect, you're going to get accused of having work done to make yourself that way. So what's the point?

Other than those drawbacks though, I think I could deal with being a celebrity. And I would have TONS of money . . . which mostly would come from my lawsuits against the magazines writing shit about me. Result!!!

If YOU were famous, what do you think the biggest drawback would be? Discuss.

(I realise that sounded sort of like an essay question in an exam. That was the intention.)
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Since you already did the intro, I just wanted to add a note at the end and say thanks for the guest post Paula. You rock and I swear you're my sister from another mister in Scotland.

4 comments:

Joyless Prole said...

Who says I'm not famous? The paternity suits are the biggest drawback, of course.

Thrice said...

I'm so glad I'm facebook friends with a celebrity!!!!! omg...I think I'll be famous too, by hanging out with you, of course :P can I? I'll give you presents!

Bruce said...

I have no desire to be a celebrity. But I have a desire to be a celebrity's agent. That way I get 20% of their billions, and sit on the phone all day long directing paparrazzi on where to find my client frolicing in the surf with some Hollywood Hottie / Hunk, and talking trash about my opponent celebrities. I don't want to be a star, I want to be a star maker. All the perks with none of the lime-light.

Knikki said...

World peace.