So I had a date last night. A blind date. And it went surprisingly well. We met for drinks at 6 and found ourselves chatting til past 10. He's really smart and funny and charming. He's good looking and a great conversationalist and there was a huge connection. We laughed and bonded and I'm going to kiss and tell when I say that the night ended with a very sweet kiss. All in all first date solid gold.
So last night I went home and (okay I was a little bit drunk) started to tell friends about it. But then rather than say about how funny he is and smart I did what I normally do. I started picking him apart. "yeah i know he just moved here from Toronto but he doesn't have a car"..."yeah but he's in his 30's and just getting his career together"...suddenly there were a million faults and flaws. My swoony date feeling turned into grimace.
It wasn't until I was saying this to my bestie this morning that I got the wake up call I needed, mainly in the form of her ripping me a new asshole (as only a bestie can). "You're going to fault him on not having a car? That's stuck up. And shallow. How many guys have you dated that mind fuck you and treat you like shit that have cars. And this guy seems great and you're going to fault him on transportation?"
Ouch. Harsh.
Ouch...true?
This was a bit of a slap in the face. But albeit maybe one that's needed. I've picked apart men before and had scraps of remains I've found undateable. I've dated men who look great on paper and could have made my hair curl with the horror stories I have. And this guy is honest and witty and charming and I rake through him to try to find reasons not to date him. Maybe I am a little more fucked up than realized. Also, it's not like I'm an ideal person to date. I can be insecure and jealous, I can be clingy and aloof all at the same time. Good times.
Last night I threw out a menagerie of things that one should NEVER bring up on a date. Ex boyfriends-check. One night stands- check. How I get falling down drunk-check. How I got an STI once from a one night stand*- check (seriously who says that on a date? seriously?). And yet he was sweet enough to leave me an email last night just saying how much fun he had with me and how I seem 'real' when the evidence is quite contrary.
Point taken. I think I may invite him out to the lake this weekend. I'll drive of course.
*which was cleared up in one week with antibiotics and is a hard thing to admit on a blog so please be nice.
ALSO: For more proof of what an epic ass I am, go to Paula's blog today where I am doing a guest post :)
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26 comments:
My best friend once looked me in the eye, the morning after a long, long night, and said, "I love you man, but you a fucking asshole when you get drunk."
"Hi, my name's Foggy Dew and I was a 22-year-old power-drinking Marine asshole." Yeah, like that's that unusual.
Message received and I'll always be grateful to him caring enough to tell me the truth.
Holy crap. First date and you're going on about all your exes and one night stands and the VD you got (there's no such thing as STD's and STI's. It's VD. If it makes one more change I'm going to shoot somebody) and you're picking HIM apart?
Shit.
I would have been running for the hills.
Obviously, he's a good man. Just saying.
The first time I read it, I thought you wrote "We lauged and boned..."
Yeah, whoops!
Ach! Give the old chap a sporting chance! His lack of vehicular transport should not stand in the way of his chances to swoon and court you! Let the romance blossom, and a good rogerin' might be coming your way!
I'm not Scottish...or British...or Irish...
LOL! Well, good thing for your bestie to tell you how it is. I think it's a natural tendency for us (and by us, I mean women) to pick things apart. Really, people can find faults in ANYTHING. I know I do it ALL. THE. TIME.
Definitely take him to the lake with you and have a super fun weekend!!
PS: Let's hang out once this heat wave subsides. I'm currently going from my air conditioned house to my air conditioned car to my air conditioned office and back again. No stops in between. I also have about 3 showers a day and run at 6 in the morning when it's ONLY 20 degrees. It's killing me, I don't know how people handle this summer!!
OK, now I just left a personal info in your comment box when it should have been in an email. Ah well!
Have fun at the lake! Take pics!
FoggyDew- I find sometimes the people closest to you are the ones that tell you what you need to hear, whether you want to or not.
Mike- Actually it's an STI. And it was a hard thing to admit on a blog that I had one and it was cleared. I learned from my mistakes the hard way. I expect my best friend to be harsh. I don't need it from you. I know you're just making a point, but please be nice.
Angela- LOL, different ending.
Organic Meatbag- and a roger is never a bad thing.
Amber- it's true that all women do it. And I'm game for doing something when the heatwave breaks and I don't wanna spoon my a/c all day long :)
You really are "real." You admit things that other people would bury deep within themselves and never bring up, you tell difficult stories to help people get through their own tough experiences, you're an advocate for learning from your ridiculous mistakes, and you're witty as f*ck.
Loves to you.
I love BFF they will always tell you the ugly parts.
I love your STD confession and your one night stand. I mean I may or may have not maybe, not really, maybe kinda have heard of this happening to a friends, cousins, sisters aunt?
So, you cut to the chase, laid cards on the table and not only did he not run away but he sent you a nice email... give him a sporting chance.
I can't tell you the time and money I would have saved in the course of my life if I'd just dissected people a little more and sugarcoated things a lot less.
And, well, you had a medical issue, got it treated and learned from the experience. That's how things are supposed to work... have experience & learn from the experience. I can't fault ya for that!
I'm also a dating snob. There, I said it. I'm picky AS HELL.
Has it restrained me from getting good dates? Yes. DO it regret it? Sometimes. I just know what I want.
And I'm by NO MEANS talking about material things. But someone who's not funny, smart and a gentleman is losing his time with me.
You sound like you know what you want (non-materially), so good luck! :)
I think you are jumping way to far into the future. Just see how it goes. There may not even be another date. I thought there has been great connections on dates but then I never get a call bacl.
Kelsey- thanks love, I really do appreciate that and back at you.
Random-6/10 sexually active people have had/or will have one according to my Dr.
MsDarkstar- I find the best way to survive dating is to stop trying to paint the best picture ofyourself and just say it like it is.
Andy- not smart/funny is an automatic delabreaker. The rest is up to question.
Leanimal-thanks, glad to see you will rip others new assholes too :) Oh, and you be nice too!
Anonymous- point taken (and story of my life)!
Dang, lady, I always admired your honesty on the blog, but... dang.
It may prove to be a bit of a litmus test for this guy, though. The ones who see The Crazy early on and still stick around may be the best kind.
Eddie doesn't have a car either. Or even a license. Something about 2 DWIs? But I don't count him out :o)
I'm not sure about your area, but here you HAVE TO have a car or you can't get around. i think it's different in the city. If you live where there's public transit, then not having a car is NBD, but here i'd never date someone w/o a car. It's not about being stuck up, it's about enjoying the relationship and making it balanced. If my bf didn't have the car I know i'd end up running him all over the place all the time. Annoying.
We are all a little "fucked up." We all have our insecurities and flaws. Nobody is perfect. The trick is in finding someone who thinks the sun shines out of our ass no matter what.
Meghan, you deserve a great guy, who thinks that you are the greatest thing since sliced bread!
I love the honesty with yourself- keep it up. It's a must if you want to grow. I like your blog, it's intertaining, too :)
Meghan - that's the chance you take when you put stuff on the internet that's open to the public. Have you been to my blog? I've received death threats! Awesome.
Leanimal - holy hormones girl. Maybe you should learn to read yourself ;)
On paper, my boyfriend looks like a bit of a waster (fine, I said it.) I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me that he's 36 with no "real" career, but honestly? I wouldn't even trade him in for a Jewish doctor. Now THAT'S love.
PS: You are so brave to face your past like that. Something like 1 in 3 people contract an STI in their lives, many just don't ever know about it until they try to have kids or something. I'm glad that everything sorted itself out for you!
Rebekah- yeah, thanks for the comment about driving. I'm definately seeing past it now :)
Maxie- a car is a good thing here (it's a spread out city) but not completely neccesary. I'm willing to try it on to see if it works.
Maggie May- thanks for the visit, I like your blog too :)
Melissa W-thanks and back at you/ This is why I love you :)
Mike- as you know I've been a longtime reader/fan and I love your blog and you get a lot of haters for just speaking your mind.(even though it;s awesome and true) I'm not pissed at the comment as I get the point being made (don't judge him when I have my own baggage) it's just the relation to VD that made me feel judged when I wrote it not to feel shit upon but simply a fact. And don't judge Leanne for hormones when I'm the one that posts crazy on the internet :)
Racquel- it's more like 2/3 (according to my Doc but maybe Kamloops is a high ratio) and I agree when you love someone it doesn't matter,
He's weathered the storm, Meghan. He deserves a little shelter on your leeward shore.
Raise your hand if you're in the "I got an STD from a one night stand club"...
*Meekly raises hand*
hey, all of us who have had STI's need to stick together, sister...
In the world of child social work where I work, what you describe is termed "RAD" (Reactive Attachment Disorder). The behavior to push away anyone you bond with. Now mind you, that you are a child, but hey, some of the childhood issues never really go away, they just bury themselves deep down. So in order to balance this out, everytime you find yourself 'dissing' someone, always be sure to ask yourself the questiosn, "as opposed to what?". There are no absolutes in life, only a different spin or another side of the coin. It is a hard lesson to learn. Trust me, I have first hand experience.
Although raking through the minor details may seem stuck-up/shallow, I think when you really feel connected to someone, you wouldn't be (subconsciously or consciously) trying to find reasons not to date him.
That post must have been REALLY difficult to write, but we love you for it and you're an example of being HONEST and REAL. So maybe you shouldn't beat yourself up too much about it. You've got guts and honesty and more (metaphorical) balls than most of us.
And you're hot and redheaded, FTW.
He's a lucky guy!
Lad litter- It's smooth sailing from here on out.
Lilu- I think more people belong to the club than at first glance.
Slyde- you're still hot/
Bruce- never said I wasn't a screwed up kitten.
Sassygirl- agreed it's easier to find faults when there isn't 'the click'.
Roland- thats one thing Ilove about your blog. Your opinions are honest. And hot redheads need to stick together!
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