Sunday, June 29, 2008

Wowing Them With Awesomeness

I work in an office. A professional office that doesn't approve of my suggestions of "no pants" Fridays and 'Hookers and Blow' Wednesdays. An office with ties and business suits, conference calls and meetings with Head Office.

An office where work gets done, and although jokes happen amongst the staff they are not frequent nor appreciated by a lot of people. It's a place filled with soccer mom's and almost retire-ees.

So since it was one of the first (exciting) times for me to go to a regional office get together on Friday, you're going to have to fill me in on a few things.

Is it couture to discuss getting a pap smear from a guy that looks like Santa? And how it's the best grooming look to have a landing strip for the occasion?

People like it when you show your trick of shoving a drink down your shirt and drinking it right? And offer to show the leg behind the head trick.

Office mates love it when you discuss your joke "O" face and show it to them. It involves crossed eyes and me tongue sticking out. And declaring it dead sexy.

It's a good thing to talk about stories about streaking and how you've been known to "inhale" on occasions. And tell stories of getting high on 'shrooms back in the day. And how it's been a long time since you've gotten laid.

Cause if so, I wowed them Friday. If not, it's time to start drinking water at office functions.

22 comments:

maverick said...

water at office functions..lol...u knw thats not gonna happen everr :D

btw which company do u work for?

nrichie2345 said...

this is hilarious! I love going out and drinking with people i work with because they get to see the whole other wild side of you they probably know nothing about.

Lad Litter said...

Nice post, Meghan. You left plenty of gaps for our imaginations to fill in. I'm about to move into a work environment similar to yours after many years teaching. Bugger it, I won't be drinking water either.

Mike said...

Speaking of leg behind head, how's the two legs behind the head thing going? :P

Mike said...

Speaking of leg behind head, how's the two legs behind the head thing going? :P

Jamie said...

Okay so if I had a company I hire you and be down for No Pants Fridays, Hookers and Blow Wednesdays and Pirate Tuesdays.

Tricia said...

Ummmm - well - hopefully they were all drinking heavily too?

One of my work drinking binges happened while in Vegas at a trade show. I have a vague recollection of being on stage and massacring a Whitney Houston song. Thankfully pre-cell phone video camera craze. But there are regular pictures that show me on a stage in the Motown Cafe singing karaoke for a packed house.

There is also a picture of me laying on the hood of a car that had velvet ropes around it and a large "Do Not Touch" sign that I was holding in the photo.

Classy! :)

You'll survive, don't drink water but maybe slow down a bit at work functions? LOL

Meghan said...

Maverick- I don't give that out, sorry.

nritchie2345-exactly, who knew the guy in marketing could get down with his bad self on the dancefloor.

ladlitter-lets be the office gossip together. people need something to talk about at the watercoolers.

mike- when i get the second leg over we'll discuss plane tixs via Vancity to T-dot?

jamie-please,please,please start this company. and hire me. you'd be the bestest boss ever!

tricia- you're my hero. hands down.

lotus07 said...

The classic case of where we most want to work and where we will never work. This behavior would have gotten you fired at my job without question....but it would have also been the best day at work I had ever had.

(can you really put your leg behind your head???)

Mike said...

If you keep both legs over your head, you can be considered "luggage" and we can save hundreds of dollars!!

MsPuddin said...

I didn't ask santa for a pap, but I offered to rub his belly...

redstaplernation said...

Showin' 'em the O Face!

And I bet none of the soccer moms got it. Shame.

Lukkydivs said...

I would prefer drinking water at office.

I hate even chocs with alcohol :P

lukkydivz said...

oops, the previous comment was mine, from a different account :P

Tricia said...

Awww - love being the hero! I think that working in the marketing department means you get to be quirky and funny and drunk at functions. That and sales - those guys party all the time. Sales meetings are little more than drunken bashes.

I work for a tech company now - and my karaoke at work days are over. Thankfully! We do still party some but techies don't party like sales guys, not by a long shot.

Paula said...

I don't go to a lot of office functions, but I WAS at a work night out on Friday night where I told two of my male colleagues I would have a threesome with them. (I didn't do it though). Oh alcohol, you naughty minx . . .

Roland Hulme said...

You tell all your colleagues these salacious things and NOT US, your loyal and loving fans?

I feel gyped. What is a landing strip? I assume you don't have light aircraft taxiing across your body (although if they were tiny and remote control the geek in me figures that would be kind of hot.)

I shouldn't worry about what you said! Crazy antics are probably better than my mistake - an earnest, if drunken, appeal to my boss that we didn't need to do anything to fix this problem our customers had because it only effected products they'd fiddled with a certain way so 'it's their own damn fault.'

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

All of that sounds quite appropriate to me. Of course, I have been a practicing psychotherapist for 35 or so years and, as everyone knows, all psychotherapists are bizarre.

Meghan said...

lotus- yes. somewhere in the archives (april/march?) there is a pic of me throwing my one leg back.

mike- this is why i like you. always thinking.

mspuddin- he knows you've been naughty, not nice.

redstaplernation-LOL. Probably. Meh, their loss.

lukkydivs- water is always the safer bet. I may have to look into that.

tricia- i was out with an eclectic group of admin/tech/sales. I was doomed from the get go.

paula- LOL, that's awesome. Now mention at work about how you LOVE sandwiches and see the reaction.

roland- LOL, how did THAT go over!?!...and I'm not gonna be the one to explain the landing strip :P

nick- i once heard psychiatrists are the craziest of all. from a shrink.

Ben said...

Please please please please come work at my office. I'll be your debauchery wingman and together we'll destroy productivity and morals!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

That shrink told it like it is.

Meghan said...

Ben- game on. I'm filling out the hiring papers right now.

Nick- you said it, not me!