Sunday, September 27, 2009

Text Message Slut

I'm a text message slut. And I make no apologies for such promiscuity. Some of the better received texts I have saved from my text log...

"I just just got my test results and I have the HIV, herpes and the clap, wanna come over for some unprotected sex?"
"I don't think I'm hungover so much as I'm so awesome my body is trying to clone itself."
"So frki druk."
"You should put me on your bucket list of things to do"
"Did you lose your panties again last night?"

I'm currently on a yacht drinking scotch and just traded a days labour for bondage gear."

Those are only a few of the jems as I kill cell phones frequently. And I thought I had a knack for sending/receiving weird texts but last night I found the website...

Texts From Last Night

So since it's always good to find another way to kill time at work go ahead and take a looksee for yourself and try not to pee a little from the laughing. A collection of my personal fav's so far..

(915): I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
(412): I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
(954): a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
(270): I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
(919): his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
(317): Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
(231): i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
(305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the Breathalyzer.
(215): her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
(641): I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.

There are a lot more that I like but don't want to ruin the experience for you. Your welcome. And let this be a lesson that NO BAD can come from drunk texting. None. Unless you're this guy....

(816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.

19 comments:

Stevie said...

I have wasted hours and hours on that site. I especially love reading the ones from my area code because I wonder if they belong to anyone I know. So funny!

P said...

I've checked out that site before on someone's recommendation and loved it. Not been there in a while so think I'll pop back there now. Thanks M!!! :)

PS Can I have a blowjob? Lol.

Andy said...

As I started reading the post, I was going to suggest you that page! It's all kinds of amazing. I get them all on my Greader just to crack up!

It's Me! said...

You warned me, but I peed anyway.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

That is the greatest!

"So frki druk." is my fave.

Mike said...

Drunk texting is worse than drunk emailing, because it gives you even less time to consider what you're actually doing.

...love Maegan said...

LOL this is awesome. I save the "bests" too. lol.

hellotaylor said...

Wow, we should definitely text sometime. That'd be a blast.

And I LOVE texts from last night! My favorite one?

(915): And then for breakfast all she gave me was raw toast. Really. Raw toast!!
(412): You mean bread?

ahahaha

Andhari said...

LOL I like texts from last night, i used to read and read for hours and being completely distracted at tasks at hand :P

Bruce said...

Hey....be careful.....I have herpes!!!!!

LiLu said...

See, this is why I never behave.

So I can be considered "hot".

That made sense in my head.

Slyde said...

holy shit those are awesome!

if i had your cell # i would dirty text you daily...

Meghan said...

Stevie- it's excellent for procrastination.

P-yes, yes you can. Oh, wait was that a text you found?

Andy-its great for whenever in a bad mood.

It's Me-I hope that's a text on there ;)

Candy-would it surprise you that they didn't remember sending me that?

Mike- but both are less awkward than the drunk dial.

...love Maegan- you should post some of your 'bests'

hellotaylor-almost stole that one for my facebook status.

Andhari-work will never be the same

Bruce- I hope this is a text, not an admission.

Lilu- lets never behave again just incase.

Slyde- quite the long distance bill that would make, doncha think?

little erin said...

hey girl.
just wanted to let you know i moved my blog from blogger to wordpress.
i feel like i'm abandoning my readers so i just want to tell everyone!
my new site is www.erinuncensored.wordpress.com
i hope to see you over there!

SassyGirl said...

that was HILARIOUS. luckily I'm too uncoordinated to text at all when I'm drunk. But I'm sure I've said some pretty ridiculous things along the same lines. Like this past weekend, I remember telling my girlfriend that the guy I was just grinding with had such a small penis his erection felt like a pencil poking out of his jeans.

Nick said...

It's too bad you weren't a blog-posting slut... then I would have something new to read :P

hellotaylor said...

Hey girl. I left you an award on my blog. Checkitout!!

Meghan said...

little erin-i'll update it in my reader, thanks :)

Sassygirl- wonder how that would have conveyed throught text ;) LOL.

Nick-is that what it takes for you to be a comment slut?

hellotaylor- you made my night, thank you.

Okie said...

hilarious...thanks for sharing. tons of fun.