I'm a text message slut. And I make no apologies for such promiscuity. Some of the better received texts I have saved from my text log...
"I just just got my test results and I have the HIV, herpes and the clap, wanna come over for some unprotected sex?"
"I don't think I'm hungover so much as I'm so awesome my body is trying to clone itself."
"So frki druk."
"You should put me on your bucket list of things to do"
"Did you lose your panties again last night?"
I'm currently on a yacht drinking scotch and just traded a days labour for bondage gear."
Those are only a few of the jems as I kill cell phones frequently. And I thought I had a knack for sending/receiving weird texts but last night I found the website...
Texts From Last Night
So since it's always good to find another way to kill time at work go ahead and take a looksee for yourself and try not to pee a little from the laughing. A collection of my personal fav's so far..
(915): I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
(412): I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
(954): a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
(270): I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
(919): his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
(317): Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
(231): i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
(305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the Breathalyzer.
(215): her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
(641): I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There are a lot more that I like but don't want to ruin the experience for you. Your welcome. And let this be a lesson that NO BAD can come from drunk texting. None. Unless you're this guy....
(816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
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19 comments:
I have wasted hours and hours on that site. I especially love reading the ones from my area code because I wonder if they belong to anyone I know. So funny!
I've checked out that site before on someone's recommendation and loved it. Not been there in a while so think I'll pop back there now. Thanks M!!! :)
PS Can I have a blowjob? Lol.
As I started reading the post, I was going to suggest you that page! It's all kinds of amazing. I get them all on my Greader just to crack up!
You warned me, but I peed anyway.
BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
That is the greatest!
"So frki druk." is my fave.
Drunk texting is worse than drunk emailing, because it gives you even less time to consider what you're actually doing.
LOL this is awesome. I save the "bests" too. lol.
Wow, we should definitely text sometime. That'd be a blast.
And I LOVE texts from last night! My favorite one?
(915): And then for breakfast all she gave me was raw toast. Really. Raw toast!!
(412): You mean bread?
ahahaha
LOL I like texts from last night, i used to read and read for hours and being completely distracted at tasks at hand :P
Hey....be careful.....I have herpes!!!!!
See, this is why I never behave.
So I can be considered "hot".
That made sense in my head.
holy shit those are awesome!
if i had your cell # i would dirty text you daily...
Stevie- it's excellent for procrastination.
P-yes, yes you can. Oh, wait was that a text you found?
Andy-its great for whenever in a bad mood.
It's Me-I hope that's a text on there ;)
Candy-would it surprise you that they didn't remember sending me that?
Mike- but both are less awkward than the drunk dial.
...love Maegan- you should post some of your 'bests'
hellotaylor-almost stole that one for my facebook status.
Andhari-work will never be the same
Bruce- I hope this is a text, not an admission.
Lilu- lets never behave again just incase.
Slyde- quite the long distance bill that would make, doncha think?
hey girl.
just wanted to let you know i moved my blog from blogger to wordpress.
i feel like i'm abandoning my readers so i just want to tell everyone!
my new site is www.erinuncensored.wordpress.com
i hope to see you over there!
that was HILARIOUS. luckily I'm too uncoordinated to text at all when I'm drunk. But I'm sure I've said some pretty ridiculous things along the same lines. Like this past weekend, I remember telling my girlfriend that the guy I was just grinding with had such a small penis his erection felt like a pencil poking out of his jeans.
It's too bad you weren't a blog-posting slut... then I would have something new to read :P
Hey girl. I left you an award on my blog. Checkitout!!
little erin-i'll update it in my reader, thanks :)
Sassygirl- wonder how that would have conveyed throught text ;) LOL.
Nick-is that what it takes for you to be a comment slut?
hellotaylor- you made my night, thank you.
hilarious...thanks for sharing. tons of fun.
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