Sunday, March 16, 2008

False Advertising



Ever have that kind of date?

Yeah, I've had many of them. In fact, some would say I've become desensitized to bad dates.

There was the blind date who told me my education was crap because I didn't go to an Ontario University.

There was the date that was soooo boring and pretentious and judgemental I faked lesbianism part way through as my only means of escape.

There was the date where I giggled at his habit of fidgeting and questioned "Are you an ADD kid or something?" and he went straightfaced and explained how he has been on Ritalin for a few years.

And of course there was the date that made out with another girl in front of me!

But none of these prepared me for my date today.

K, long story short I have heard a few stories,both success and horror, in relation to online dating sites. I have done the quick browse as a guest. I have pondered and finally I took the plunge. Now despite my profile having specifics such as 'no children, drug free, 27-37, career focused' I have had a plethora of men in their fourties of men with children flooding my inbox.

Frak.

But throughout the blurry pics and vague group shots I actually received a msg from a guy who was very attractive. Check. Career focused. Check. Down to earth, check. And wanted to meet me for coffee.

Why not?

As we were to meet bright and early this morn to go for coffee I made sure to look my best. Hair straightened and nicest jeans to go with heels. Something that is presentable but nothing that would scream "maintain me!" And I met him for coffee. He was very polite and nervous but there was something different about him from the pictures he sent.

He was missing his front teeth. And then some.

Apparently all the pictures had been the closed lips sort of smile.

Call me vain, call me shallow, hell call me what you will but I knew in two seconds that it would not work out. I debated actually going "you know you seem nice, but I'm not gonna waste your time" but then realized how scarring it would be to have a guy walk upto me and after a glance tell me it wasn't gonna work before sauntering out the door. Nope, an hour and a half is what I was gonna give him.

Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty damn girl next door and am not completely vain when it comes to men. I think things like crooked noses add character and scars and things can make a person individual. But dental hygiene is something that is very important. There are amazing advances in dentistry now. Teeth are important for chomping on yummy things, that I know. In fact I strongly remember my friend Raffi having ingraining a little song about "You brush your teeth- ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch!!!!!!!!! into my head like a druid chant by the time I was seven.

We chatted about travel experiences and weekend plans and I made certain not to give information that would be too personal. All the while I was trying my damdest not too look at the vortex of his mouth. Do you know how hard that was for 75 minutes? All the while he's telling me about how he just got out of a 5 year relationship and how excited he is to meet me. And I'm thinking how I'm never going to go out with him again. I'm a horrible person.

Needless to say when I came home I decided that a subtle reaction would be best so I deleted my lavalife account after yelling "Fie, fie on you Lavalife. I asked for for creme brule and you gave a floor twinkie!" and like the groundhog that saw his shadow I'm back to slink into my undating hole for another 6 weeks.

Sigh.

20 comments:

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

Completely understandable! It's too bad we can't be blunt and tell our dates to get some Veneers next time before asking you out on the second date!

I hear you on the online dating front. There are too many freaks on there and if they're not freaks they are balding 40/50-something year old guys showing off their Porche and have kids close to your age!

I've given up on the online dating system. It's nice to look, but not so nice to date! :)

Maxie said...

So weird! You know, if i was missing my teeth I would at least address how it happened. Or lie! I'd say I was in a really bad accident and i'm getting dental work done or something!

The Divine Miss M said...

god I haven't had a good date in ages.

Dammit. I want to have a good date.

I am with you on the teeth thing! So many English boys can't be bothered with their teeth :( It's gross.

Mike said...

Yea, the truth in online dating.

Why is it that everybody has pictures of them 10 years and 100 lbs ago?

What, are they thinking that the doctored picture will draw them in and my personality will keep them?

If they're going to lie about that shit, what else are they lying about?

Meghan said...

Fashionista- I hear you, it's a spectactors sport now.

Maxie-the odd thing is I was in a bad car accident last year that damaged my teeth and am in the midst of restoring them back to their awesomeness.

The Divine Miss M-I hope you have that good date!


Mike- it's such a pissoff when people do that. It's manipulative and well...yicky.

Anonymous said...

I am scared to hear there are toothless men on the prowl in K-town. Must avoid.

Hm, I don't have an account on blogger so I will have to post this anonymously...but I heard the dating website www.PlentyOfFish.com is a little bit better, might want to try that out?

Roland Hulme said...

Not to add any ammunition to Miss M's stereotypical 'Brits have terrible teeth' racket - but I have to admit, my beautiful gnashers had remained beautiful despite 15 years without going to a dentist.

After a horrible experience having them scraped, cleaned, polished and 'deep cleaned' I'm now in the posession of a beautiful set of pearly chompers.

With affordable dental insurance (unlike the non-existent National Health dentists in the UK) there's really no excuse for not having a good set of pearly whites when you're living in the US.

Maik said...

I have a great affection for your country; it is just too bloody far away. Going by your specifics, we'd be the perfect match. Never thought the mere presence of my teeth could be deemed an asset. But there you go.

Non-judgmental about other people's education, too. Never been on Ritalin, either. And usually have the good grace not to make out with another girl in front of the one I am dating. (Or even out of sight of the girl I am dating.) What on earth do you keep looking for? Damn Atlantic…

Meghan said...

anonymous-are you in k-town?I've heard that about POF but know there are students who use it so I couldn't.

Roland-There's a dentist on every street corner here in Canada. No excuse. The dentists and hookers alternate corners.

Maik- where are you from? And you had me at 'won't make out with another girl in front of me'

Maik said...

The UK at present.

Melissa said...

OH sweetie, I warned you about internet dating. Maybe I'll do a blog about my own toothless wonder of an internet date.

Melissa said...

Also, to whoever asked about the Plenty of Fish website, that's where my toothless wonder of a date came from.
So be warned...

TaraMetBlog said...

I love hearing bad date stories, mainly because I hope they will justify or downplay mine.

It's Me! said...

I just want to comment on the picture you attached to the blog entry:
Pulling a Leonardo Dicaprio, eh?

Meghan said...

Melissa-i think my toothless wonder should date your toothless wonder

Tara-and I have tons for you to enjoy!

It's Me- Leo would never escape on me. NEVER!!!

surviving myself said...

damn! I give you dap for even lasting the entire date!

Pippi said...

oh god, no front teeth? I mean, i think a couple of mine are on the verge of falling out :o but i would do something about it if they did!

Meghan said...

surviving myself-there's only so many times you can politely look at your watch over 90 minutes.

PP-Exactly!

Malice Blackheart said...

Great pic, Meghan. I’ve had a few dates on lavalife that have made me feel like politely excusing myself and jumping out the bathroom window. One woman said she was “thin,” and it turned out she was 170 lbs, and 5’1.” She had a huge potbelly, that I had no intention of seeing, or even imagining bare. I still went to dinner with her though, because I was hungry, and she did seem intelligent.

Of course, when you’re male it’s hard as heck to get a woman’s attention as the ratio is 2 men for every woman. Now that I hear Jack the Lipper is on there, untoothfully advertising himself to hopefuls, I’m beginning to understand why the women are so discouraged. Or I’m just really ugly. That’s definitely a possibility too.

So, did he say anything about it? Like, is lack of hygiene necessarily why he doesn’t have teeth, or could it have been a car accident or a really nasty mugging? I mean, I think he would think to mention something to you about it, because of course you’re going to notice. You have to use that part of your mouth to make the ‘S’ sound for Pete’s sake.

Meghan said...

Malice-thanks for visiting. He didn't offer an explanation and I didn't ask. It was too much fun to have it hanging over like the pink elephant in the room.