Thursday, March 27, 2008

On the Fast Lane to Success

Rather than bitch about being carless, or how ICBC is taking FOREVER to deal with this, or how the bus is smelly and a reminder to get my Hep A shots I'm gonna share my new career idea.

Delivery Driver.

Not floored by my idea? Let me explain.

I'm not talking about your run of the mill delivery driver for pizza at 7pm before the hockey game, or a driver to deliver you a package in the mail or flowers. Lets get to it, I'm working with the real deal here.

The other day I wanted a Starbucks coffee. Not unusual since at least 3 hours had past since my last cup o' hot beanjuice. But I was at home. Without wheels. To get it would have meant walking 2 whole blocks in any direction. Not likely. The the idea sprung up, "I would pay someone to deliver me a Starbucks coffee!" Yes I am that lazy. And think others could be too.

You're about to get it on with someone and you have no condoms, saranwrap just isn't cutting it and you don't want to ruin the mood with a trip to Shoppers Drug Mart? Call me.

You want some mozza sticks from the land of Denny's but you're too pie-eyed to even be let in the doors? Call me.

You want a skinny vanilla 180 degree non foam sugarfree 3 pump latte? You're high maintenence but call me anyways.

You want strippers hand delivered to a bachelor party to add to the visual appeal? Call me and I'll carry them fireman style up the stairs to make sure not to disturb the lines of blow on their ass.

The point is, if you want it I can deliver it to you. Because people (me) are lazy as hell (me) and want stuff right now (me) and why not capitalize on the degenerate nation rather than judging and cater. It's all about supply and demand, baby.


surviving myself said...

i think this sounds like an excellent idea.

Melissa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melissa said...

Hahaha! I'd like to see you carrying the strippers fireman style. That alone has me almost peeing my pants with laughter

Anonymous said...

Cab drivers actually already do most of that... not sure about the strippers though, I'll have to ask my friend. :D He likes the late night booze and fast food runs, the people are usually drunk already and tip very well.

Mike said...

Should you really want to capitalize on that, move to southern ontario and work out a contract with Tim Hortons so you can carry their name.

Tim Hortons is the fat, lazy, welfare addled loser's crack of Ontario.

You'll make a FORTUNE.

Seriously. Tim Hortons is lined out the friggin doors every morning. And there are TWO locations where there's a tims across the street from a tims in my city... no shit.

The Divine Miss M said...

I spot one flaw in your brilliant plan.

Aren't you too lazy to put it into action? :P

P.s Haven't Starbucks opened up on every single street corner yet?!

Meghan said...

surviving myself-thanks. just foryour vote of confidence, you get one free delivery!

melissa j-i'll deliver you new pants and a camera to take pictures

anonymous-tell your friend to give me a call. i see a business hybrid.

mike- one doubledouble coming right up at 3am!

divine miss m- touche, my friend, touche.

Roland Hulme said...

I'll take two strippers, blow on the side, with a doppio espresso and the latest copy of Playboy, please.

So I don't need to suffer the embarassment of buying it myself.

Steph said...

I use cab drivers for that shit, but I'd much rather see you on my doorstep.........course, you'd have to fly out here and that could take a while. My ice-cream may have melted by then.

maverick said...

i can invest in the

Arun Sundar said...

Oh, I was just thinking about this the other day when I needed a coffee, but was too lazy to step out to Starbucks! I'm so surprised people do have similar thoughts!

Meghan said...

Roland- I have no shame. Let me, I insist :P

Steph- I'll just come to visit then and eat the ice cream on the way.

Maverick- you gotta deal

Arun- lazy people like us will take over the world some day....with our amibitions and umm....laziness?

Cat said...

You are too funny. I'd pay for those services - lol.

Meghan said...

Cat-And I'd let you pay me for these services :P

Pippi said...

That's quite a good idea. Sometimes I think I would pay someone just to bring me a can of Coke. In fact, there are a couple of services over here (generally referred to as the booze man) where you call a number and can request pretty much ANYTHING (alcohol, nappies, a burger, whatever) at any time of the day or night, and they'll get it to you! I've never used it, but an old flatmate of mine did!

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

Sounds like a brilliant idea! I wish I had a delivery person this last week! It would have helped me a lot.

Meghan said...

Pippi-Booze Man Meghan has a nice ring to it

Fashionista-I'll email you a business card :P

Anonymous said...