Saturday, April 12, 2008

Swear Jar in the Car?

I have a car.

I get it delivered in two to three weeks and can't wait.

I'm excited because it's a black shiny luxury car my mom's bosses boss just had lying around and doesn't use so he gave it to me on a cheap ass discount.

I'm excited because along with a/c and power everything it has heated seats ensuring that I'll have the toastiest ass in town come winter.

I'm excited that the inner ADD kid will be pleased with the 6- cd changer ensuring CONSTANT music rotation for my ears.

I'm excited that the inner tree loving hippy side of me will enjoy the sunroof allowing beams of the gorgeous Okanagan sun to shine on me.

I'm excited that my morales were bent but not mangled for the fact that I don't like buying things that are leather. And it has leather seats. But since my parents bought it for me and I am just paying it back, it's really not My conscience now is it?

But more importantly I'm excited to get benind the wheel and let my mouth go wild. Only when driving wil I spill out enough foul language that no mom would have enough soap in her cupboard to wash it out. I have nooooo shame. And I love it in the most delicious, crude way. So everyone in bloggerville is invited to come for a ride in my car when I get it (and Steph I'll even chauffeur you around!) but don't be surprised if when riding shotgun and listening to my main man Jay-Z you hear

"So I was thinking this weekend we'll go to the Grotto and get a group together and maybe

YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING TWATFACED CUNTFACED WHORE FUCKING INBRED IDIOT. YOU FUCKING CUT ME OFF AGAIN AND YOU'LL BE LICKING MY FUCKING FENDER AND LOVING IT. FUCKFACE!!!!!!!"

....afterwards we'll head over to the new resteraunt downtown and get a bite to eat. I hear they have great tapas."

I can't wait

20 comments:

It's Me! said...

I'll have to try that particular set of colorful words next time I get roadrage! People tend to get nervous at my swears behind the wheel...I try to explain that it's far safer if I just let it out at the moment. :D
Lovely to find a kindred spirit in that department!
It's only suiting though...afterall, we are pirates!

Anonymous said...

What kind?

TaraMetBlog said...

haha a lot of money could be made if a swear jar was in my car. I seem to turn into a truck driver when I get behind my wheel? speaking of Swear Jars did you see this video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJJL5dxgVaM

Mike said...

Well Jeez if you wanted a toasty ass why didn't you say so?

I'd be happy to lend some friction! :P

surviving myself said...

ass warmers in cars are thing of beauty.

The Divine Miss M said...

Oh dude I am exactly the same ;)

Meghan said...

Jess- It's HARRRdly a surprise, eh?

Anonymous- Infiniti G30

Tara- that video was fucken awesome

Mike- Regina, sooner rather than later? :P

Surviving Myself- whoever invented the asshotplate is clearly genius.

Miss M-awesome, you can ride shottie and swearwith me!

Maxie said...

I don't usually cuss in the car I just am like, "OMG! OMG!" over and over.

Sarah K said...

A. I love you a little bit, you know?
B. I was just discussing with Mr.B. your amusing bendable morals as they pertain to the use of animal peelings in things such as shoes and purses. So this entertained me even more than it usually would have. You get bonus points for timing.

Meghan said...

Maxie-OMG is definately a good substitute

Sarah- it's all about the timing, baby :P

maverick said...

hmm..so u ll ve the hotter than the hottest ass in the town then :D??enjoy d ride :)

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

Aw so you're so lucky to have a new car!!! Swear away!

Jess said...

I have to say, in no way is Meghan's swearing demonstration an exaggeration. It is true. I have been there. I will be there in the future. It's hilarious.
Furthermore, the cows the leather in your car came from are already dead, so you really wouldn't be saving anyone any pain if you refused to get said car because it has a leather interior. You might as well appreciate their sacrifice.

Meghan said...

Fashionista- It's a 1999, but it's new to me.

Jess- the pretty leather seats with have your nail marks inbedded into them...
and true. May the cows R.I.P.

Memphis Steve said...

You drive like me. I'm a creative conversationalist when I drive, too. I think bad drivers help expand the vocabularies of the rest of us. That must be why God put them here.

Meghan said...

Memphis Steve- I think we should patent 'road rage thesaurases'(sp?) because then donkeyfuckingfuckface would be a legit word.

Tricia said...

Let's see - my favorite driving cuss to scream is FUCKING MORON GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!! LOL

Totally Love it!

Meghan said...

Tricia- I'm adding that one to the thesaurus :P

Ajemi said...

Ha, gotta love road rage. Love it. That's how I sound in my new car because it's just so sexy!

Meghan said...

Ajemi-thanks for visiting :) sexy owner, sexy car I say :P