Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Truth Shall Set You Free

So after a week or so of browsing Plenty of Fish I have been considering joining. Why? Because I'm a glutton for punishment, the hamster that keeps shocking itself on the nobe so to say.

But what would my profile say? What witty self commentary would make me desired throughout the land without a stream of lies.

So I thought of a nice generic profile. I'm 27, slim with red hair. Yes, I have a professional job. Yes, I consider myself moderately successful. Witty is essential as breathing. I'm not looking for true love or a boyfriend or even casual sex persay, just sending out the feelers to see what's out there.

Then thought, what if I were to tell the truth. The brutally honest truth about myself for the sake of 'not putting turtle wax on the car'. So this is my new improved profile.

Hi, my name is Meghan but you can call me whatever you want because I'm horrible with names and I'm gonna make one up for you for blog content anyways.

I have a really great job where I make a moderate wage but still manage to be broke all the time. So if we could go to a midpriced resteraunt that would be great, that way if we end up splitting the bill (cause I don't expect a guy to pay) I won't be down and out. Thanks. If you're good looking and we drink too much wine we're probably gonna make out. Actually that goes for the average or moderate guy and too much wine. I love wine.

If things go well and you find youself over to my place for THE MEAL around date three or four (who am I kidding, date 2?) I'll make you a great meal. But it will be something that I bought at the store a couple hours before because otherwise we'd be eating microwave burritos. What can I say, I'm single and live by myself. Also while at my place, don't look in any closet or you'll find piles of laundry that have eaten small children. Yes, yes I do have Maxim, Macleans and Rolling Stone in the magazine pile next to the pooper. I'm good like that.

So you want to know about common interests? Do you spend hours on the couch reading blogs and FoodTV? Awesome. If not that's okay too. I also like to go out on the weekends and become a tranwreck. I'll refer you to previous blog posts if you need reference. Oh, you like to do THINGS? Crap. Okay well for the sake of being INTERESTING I'll say I like to golf because I did it once and didn't completely suck at it. Also since I am without a car I can now add hiking to that list. I'm awesome at air guitar, dance offs and pirate jokes.

Don't worry about looks I can clean up pretty nice, but truth be told if this works out within two months (three tops!) you're gonna find me in sweatpants MOST of the time at home. I'm definately the girl that you can bring home to meet mom, but I'll prob pull you aside to have sex on their bed cause stuff like that DOES it for me. I don't share food and I drool in my sleep. But you'll find it endearing after awhile, promise.

Hope you guys like my profile and msg me really soon.

Sincerely,
Meghan

Any takers?

15 comments:

Lad Litter said...

Very witty Meghan, and such brutally endearing honesty. A profile like that makes heaps more sense than the self-aggrandizing hogwash that makes up most dating-site profiles. Not that I read any of them. Perish the thought. Oh, and even moderately good-fitting sweatpants can be very sexy.

The Divine Miss M said...

Oh I'd definitely date you Meghan ;)

Tricia said...

I found my husband through a personal ad I placed in July of 1997 on Yahoo Personals back when they were free and finding a quality guy was nearly impossible. But my ad went like this:

Single, white, female, with 2 cats.
My grandmother tells me that a girl living alone with 2 cats will NEVER find a man and I am doomed to spend my life alone. Who wants to prove her wrong?

You would not believe the freaks that came out of the woodwork! I was getting several hundred messages a day. Finally I gave it up and took the ad down.

About a month later I got a lone message from a guy who said this - I replied to your ad about the cats last month but then my hard drive crashed and I lost all my email so I don't know if you replied to me or not. And I laughed out loud literally - I thought how LAME is this guy's excuse? But I emailed him back, and he made me laugh again, and then we started talking on instant messenger, and then we started talking on the phone and FINALLY in December 1997 I agreed to go to dinner with him and a week later I was permanently attached to his hip. And three years later I was his ball and chain! ;-)

I'm a fan of internet dating - it worked out for me - but boy some losers along the way! Hey I think I'll blog about this! The losers are good for a few laughs.

Love, love, love your HONEST approach and I'm sure it will get you plenty of interest. Go for it! :)

Mike said...

That's an awesome ad, but you had me when you put your foot over your head :P

Meghan said...

lad liter- thanks for the visit! and yoga pants can be nice :)

divine miss m-you got yourself a date, hottie

tricia-thanks for the awesome and uplifting story. glad to know another cat lady found love :)

mike- i'm still working on that second leg, JUST FOR YOU!

Kiera said...

Haha, I love it. When it doubt, just be brutally honest. That way, there is no room surprises.

And love wine. LOVE it.

Maik said...

Any time Meghan, any time. But you are STILL on the wrong side of the Atlantic...(or me, guess it's a matter of perspective).

Jamie Lovely said...

Dudes will be all over this. I'm a fan of the sweatpants too.

Malice Blackheart said...

Have you seen the promotional commercial for Plenty More Fish? It’s one of the creepiest things ever. I really think it sends the wrong message. Here’s a link if you haven’t seen it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zfqpHlsZy8

I’ll tell you right now that I’d be on that profile in a heartbeat.
Honestly, who can stand all those tedious profiles that say “I love to laugh and I love to have fun”? I just put a big loser stamp on those and move on.

Meghan said...

kiera-awesome, lets get a box of wine and give'r

maik- that's what rowboats are for, silly

jamie-i think every woman has a pair tucked away somewhere, along with the ex boyfriend hoodies

malice- i'll check that our. and agree, dating conformity is for the birds...and lameasses.

Sarah K said...

I think my plentyoffish profile says something about liking mangos and cats. And that I eat mangos but not cats.

And that's it. And I was amazed at how many losers messaged me thinking I'd sleep with them.

Paula said...

Ha ha brilliant!!! And it's far more honest than my ex's dating profile on match.com!!!

Meghan said...

Sarah- that cracked me up and almost ended with an unfortunate juice+computer incident.

Paula- if only we could write the profiles for our ex boyfriends :P

Melissa said...

For the love of Pete tell me you didn't really make a profile?
Although I confess I have been tempted to create another profile myself. That was until I decided to get my parents to bring up my mountain bike. Maybe I'll fall off and some cute mountain biking boy will come rescue me (hey, I can dream OK)

surviving myself said...

I think that ad is perfect.