Sunday, November 9, 2008

Epic. Relationship. Fail.

Just so you have a visual, I'm writing this ia a moderate fetal position. As much as one can be whilst writing on a laptop. Just so you know how sad and pathetic I feel.

We broke up today.* Via text message. Makes the post it note break up look classy. It had been coming for longer than I wanted to admit. When I'm in a relationship I give it everything I got, no holds barred. Not to say I don't enter with caution and look both ways but I'm not someone who will hold you at arms length when we've crossed that bridge.

I'd like to give you specifics as to why but I am trying to grasp it myself. Cheating? Perhaps. Need for space? Definately. But after four months to suddenly deny any and all contact one day-block my number and cease all forms of communication. Ouch. To text me that "I lost your keys. Keep my stuff. I don't want to hear from you."

I wish I had done something wrong so I could at least tell people that I fucked it up. Intead I'm left feeling like I am being punished for a fuck up that I do not know I committed. He wants nothing to do with me. After I asked why he was pulling away from me. Like I'm not supposed to notice the time we spend together is time he choose, which is limited.Like I'm not supposed to question any subject he finds uncomfortable cause that will lead to him ignoring me for no less than two days. Like it's not humiliating to admit your boyfriend doesn't find you attractive, sexually. Yeah, ask me my feelings of self worth right now.

Four months spent rationalizing why he would not change his facebook status to single. Four months not questioning the random girls that are added to facebook as it irritates him. Four months spent where I gave it my everything and he did not and that's why today I sit here crying on my couch while he wipes his hands clean. He had nothing invested but material items which he is happy to rid himself of.

I feel like a failure, whether it is me or not. The point is I had a relationship and gave it my all....and it failed. It didn't last six months. It's hard not to take it personally. But when the dust is cleared and my eyes are dry I will pick myself up and start over. But for today, it hurts. And t hurts a lot.

*Yes I am blogging about my breakup and it is tacky as hell. Breakups much like relationships are personal(and therefore not my usual blog foddler) and I'm showing no respect towards the relationship through posting which makes me no better. But he does not read my blog nor do his friend. It's a outlet which is not going to name him, call him names, or anything like that. I'm not blasting him to his face. I'm not blasting him to his friends. I'm not creating havoc on facebook as I am trying to be the bigger person while he is hurling insults without cause so this is my outlet and if it lowers me, so be it.


Ben said...

Text message. Man the new millennium is harsh. Sorry to hear that you're going through the suck right now.

Hang in there.

Angela said...

Do what you gotta do, and if that's to blog about it, then so be it! You're allowed. But man, what a harsh text message! No explanation? Yikes.

Tricia said...

So sorry. :( To say that sucks doesn't begin to touch on the awfulness.

I got broken up with on my answering machine once. 6 month relationship. I spent months mourning the loss.

Just take care of you! :(

Roland Hulme said...

Sounds like 'it's not you, it's him.'

As in 'him' being an immature dick.

Having been an immature dick myself, it's fairly easy to recognize the signs (since I was, in my past, guilty of everything that you mentioned.)

Deutlich said...

As a simple blog reader, I feel like you deserve MUCH better and when the pain subsides you'll be better off.

You shouldn't have had to have any of those negative feelings, worries or concerns in those 4 months but you did.. and like you said - it was a long time coming. Mayhaps he just beat you to the punch? Kinda like my ex? Who emailed it in?

I dunno ... break ups can be hard, so I definitely wish you the best hon.

Meghan said...

Ben- Thanks. And wave of the future indeed. Remember when the phone break up was considered rude?

Angela- thanks.

Tricia- I think I'm like every female who just wishes for some closure. Alas this shall not be the case.

Roland- you cad! Kidding. Thanks.

Deutlich- thanks. And I agree, I was at my wits end and think that I was about ready to pull the plug myself. He just beat me and in the long run it's better to not have that stress. I'm sorry to hear about you and your ex. You also deserve the best.

The Divine Miss M said...

Dude I'm so sorry :(

That is fucking shite.

*hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*

I've been there, and believe me you are DEFINITELY better out - is not worth hiding anything just to make someone else happy cause then that is all you try and do!

It's Me! said...

You didn't mention that he was missing his testicles, which he seems to be since any man with a pair would have done it in person. You're better off waiting for a man with full genitalia.

Slyde said...

text message is a shitty way to end a 4 month relationship.

You deserve better than that.

Chin up, missy. If it makes you feel any better, i still think you're hot as hell :)

Anonymous said...

That truly beats the post-it note breakup. Not to mention how harsh the text was.

I'm so sorry! But clearly it's for the best (though I know that doesn't make it any easier)!

Paula said...

Man, Meghan I'm sorry. Hope you are okay. I've definitely been there.

I have two things to say here. Firstly . . . one word, two syllables - ARSEHOLE!!! To break up with you by text, for no apparent reason . . . I admire your restraint in not singing from the rooftops how much he fucked you over.

Secondly, I just read this post a couple of minutes ago on another blog and it hit home for me. It might help you too. Maybe not, but because I felt a bit better for reading it, maybe you will too.

Mike from Adelaide said...

Breaking up by text says a lot more about him than it does about you. Its a cowards way out and despite the hurt, I can but say that despite your curerent hurt; long term you are going to be much better off without him.

Lad Litter said...

Your self-worth should be unaffected by this. Easy to say, I suppose, but it's so much more about him than it is you. He sounds like bad news. Now he's yesterday's news.

Oh, and I love your new profile photo too.

Mike said...

Sounds like he wanted some play and you wanted a relationship.

He figgured that out quick, kept getting his dick wet and when something better came along, he bolted and chucked you.

The ol chuck 'n fuck.

Yea, that is a him not you. He's a 'tard. Unfortunately, he played his game at the expense of you.

I hope you'll come to realize he was a dick and turn your sadness into anger and then acceptance, and move on.

Jenn said...

I blogged my way through my breakup so don't worry about it!

Text message? How eff'in cowardly! I'm sorry that it happened, but I guess it's for the best. I would hope that the person I'm dating respected me enough that if we ever broke up, he'd have the balls to do it in person.

Sending you good vibes.

Bruce said...

Gee, that is a pretty tacky SOB. Sounds like a player to me, someone that just jumps ship with something new sails in to the harbor. Regardless, it does hurt...been there, done that. Hurts a lot....physical type pain, not just emotional.

I would beg to differ that this is the best place to write about it. So many use blogs to ramble about little insignificant things in thier lives. What people want to read about are the important things that make us who we are in the end. Stuff like this.

While it is small consolation now, the positive side of this whole experience is that you will take the lessons learned into the future and someday everything will fall into place, because of the lessons you have learned.

(the waiting just sucks though)

Meghan said...

Divine Miss M- thanks. The hugs help a lot actually :)

Jess- now that you mention it I did notice the lack of balls...

Slyde- shallow as it is, you have NO idea how much better than made me feel. Thanks.

The Almost Right Word- thanks for visiting and thanks for the kind words.

Paula- thanks and great post. Very fitting.

Mike from Adelaide- thanks :) I already am better off without him.

Mike- although a bit more graphic and black and white, I think yopu're on the right track calling him out as a player.

Ladlitter- thanks and thanks :)

Jenn- I can feel the good vibes, they rock.

Bruce- you always have the most interesting perspective. I love that.

Anonymous said...

Megs....sorry to hear that he turned out to be an absolute D-bag.

Good things come to those who wait. As much as it sucks, it'll be worth it in the long run. Some lucky fella will realize what he's got one day, and do everything he can to keep ya!

oxo Maegan said...

well maybe he's just a moron?

Meghan said...

Kelsey- thanks darlin. Love will come. You are Scott are a true testament to love. :)

Love Maegan- LOL. Me thinks you're right!

Rebekah said...

If I didn't blog about breakups, I'd have had very little to blog about for a long time. Don't be afraid to spill to us if you want to! We love you and will always support you :o)

Malice Blackheart said...

Weird. The boyfriend of a female friend of mine just did the exact same thing to her. Twice in one week. Two of my other friends got dumped too. What is this, break-up month? It's times like this I'm so gaddamn glad I'm single.

Blogging about your break-up is not tacky at all. This is your space, where you control the flow of your ideas, and your life, and bearing in mind that blogging is largely voyeuristic, chances are whatever you're going through is what we want to read.

The text-message break-up has got to be one of the most cowardly ways to try to sweep someone's feelings under the rug, and pretend like they're not there. And the instant somebody does that to you, you have to think that maybe it's just as well he did this now, and you only had to look like a sucker for 4 months.

gina said...

what is the blog for except personal? keep it personal. it helps everyone out here who cares about you. i know, i don't even know you. but i feel for you and remember the all too familiar sucky feeling of breaking up without knowing quite sure why. what am i talking about - "remembering the feeling..." i still go through this with my husband of 16 years. never know quite what i do that makes him so mad, to ignore me for 2 days. i do know it comes down to being THEIR PROBLEM if they aren't willing to talk it over. And that is the truth. You don't want to end up with someone who doesn't want to communicate. in the meantime - keep writing. i wonder if people ask for a divorce by texting?

Meghan said...

Rebekah-thanks, that means a lot :)

Malice- I agree Nov was break up month for a lot of people. Hoping Dec will be better.

Gina- thanks for the visit. Seems some things don't change, but love makes it easier.

miss clover said...

this guy sounds nuts. and as a rule, guys always come back. if only to sniff around and see if you're still emotionally hooked on their emotional retardedness.

and one i thing i know for certain: nutty guys= guaranteed callback.

excited to read that post!