Thursday, November 13, 2008

So You've Been Dumped, Now What?

Well, getting dumped is an artform I'm familiar with so instead of continue my fetal position laptop viewing, I've compiled a Reference Guide to Dumpsville! Population, You!

Do send an email to him stating your feelings about the break up knowing he may or may not answer it. It doesn't have to resort to namecalling or bashing, just a simple email that will clarify what was not dealt with accordingly during the relationship. It doesn't matter if he reads it, this is for your benefit. It's your closure, not his.

Don't keep checking his facebook/your phone for texts. They are not coming and his status will not change to address that "Meghan I made a huge mistake and I'm an asshole with some deeprooted communication problems and I'm sorry." It's not going to happen. If alll else delete him so you will stop question who the women are that are added. He is their problem now, not yours.

Do sell the stuff that he will not claim from your house on Ebay and buy yourself something nice with the profits. The batman costume will bring other people joy and burning it is just going to make your place smelly.

Do change your locks if he 'lost' or will not give back your housekeys. A 15$ charge and angry talk with your landlord is worth the cost of waking up everynight wondering if someone is hovering over you or looking to boil your cat.

Don't go hook up with someone to try to feel better about yourself cause you're feeling chock full of fug right now. It's not going to validate you or make you any better to use this person as a sounding board for your esteem. You're using someone as a masturbation tool and you will feel icky afterwards. I know this from past experience.

Do go out and get drunk but not within 3 days of the actual break up. At that point you're far too vulnerable and likely to drunk-cry, drunk-dial, drunk-rebound, or drunkedy drunk drunk trainwreck. Wait, collect your thought, then dive into the bottle of tequila and enjoy!


Don't feel like you have to be strong all the time. It's okay to cry. It's okay to miss him and feel sad about the good times that you had together. It's okay to look back with nostalgia. It's alright to smell the shirt he left that smells like him and feel sad cause you know it's gone. It's okay to have manic fits of anger where you want to kick him and claw at him and make him understand how much he's hurt you. It's okay to feel the sudden and sharp pain of someone being plucked from your routine. It's okay to miss the in jokes and not have a shelf life for how long you're supposed to mourn. It's alright cause you know at the end of the day you still believe in love and this has knocked you down but the bruises will heal while his scars are just rising to the surface.

and DO realize that this chapter has ended. But the story is far from over, and look forward to turning the page.

26 comments:

Kelsey said...

Amen sista! :P

Now, has it been over 3 days?

Paula said...

Hey, I'm totally in agreement with these rules. I have done even WORSE things than those outlined but I don't want to post them on the net for all to see . . .

Kiera said...

All of this is very good advice. After a break up, I have give myself a week or two before I actually do go out and drink. I had one bad experience after break up in which I immediately hit the local bar and ended up drunk dialing my ex the entire night. He never answered back, so I'd drink some more. I think I spent the rest of the night/morning in my bathroom hurled over the toilet. Lesson learned there.

Maxie said...

great advice-- I wish I had sold my ex's stuff!

Rebekah said...

You should put that on Guidespot :o) It's smart stuff!

It's Me! said...

Fuck. Yes. Well done.

Meghan said...

Kelsey- think the wait has passed. This weekend is go time.

Paula- I think we've all done worse...

Kiera- ouch. hangover/break ups=bad combo platter.

Maxie- it's never too late to start!

Rebekah- thanks!

Jess-It's taken many years of practise.

Sarah K said...

Since it's my place you'll be drinking at this weekend [I hope!], we can make sure you have enough fun to not bother looking at your cell phone :)

Roland Hulme said...

AWESOME POST.

Lad Litter said...

Ah Meghan, that was a really insightful, perceptive set of principles. Except for the email bit. I would advocate a complete severing of all contact. Like he's ceased to exist. Which he has.

Loved the drunk advice too. In vino veritas, y'know.

Mike said...

make sure you send him an email saying that since you haven't picked up your stuff, i'm selling it one this date.

You can claim it before then.

Keep the email.

Also, you should post a picture of your boobs :P

Lanette said...

Absolutely fantastic post.

Slyde said...

i agree with everything you said (except for that tag you ended at the end which reminded me of that god-aweful 80's song from my youth)...shame on you.

Meghan said...

Sarah- I did not look at my cell phone other than to take fun pics. Mission accomplished. Thanks :)

Roland- thanks!

Lad Litter- drunk advice came from learning through all the ways. Ooops.

Mike- I think showing pics of my boobs is exactly what the Dr ordered. Or not;) Good advice on how to not get sued, thanks.

Lanette-thanks :)

Slyde- sorrty but after that relationship, I ran. I ran so far away! I just ran I ran for nights...

Mike said...

Meghan: Yes, don't get sued. Getting sued is bad. Always CYA (cover your ass). Or not, if you've got it, flaunt it.

You can flaunt it publicly or by way of my email address. I promise not to spread it around (too much!).

Nick said...

Get a life Mike.

Mike said...

Get a sense of humour, Nick ;)

cassette45 said...

This is genius. Seriously. I need to save this in my reader for future reference...

Meghan said...

Casette- Thanks.

Nick and Mike- hug it out.

Bruce said...

I think I am going to copy and paste this into my Google online documents folder so that everytime a woman I know breaks up with someone or gets divorced, I can print it out and give it to them. It should be standard reading.

(you're far too vulnerable and likely to drunk-cry, drunk-dial, drunk-rebound, or drunkedy drunk drunk trainwreck...... I love this line)

Mermanda said...

Hi Meghan. Thanks for checking out my blog! This is some very excellent advice that you are dispatching to the blogosphere. Look forward to reading more of your blog. Have a great weekend!

Joel Klebanoff said...

I take great pride in the fact that I, a man, have never dumped a women. (And I don't date men; not, as they say, that there is anything wrong with that.) Of course, that is probably because I'm always the dumpee, not the dumper. Actually, that's not quite true; I don't think receiving the friend speech counts as being dumped.

I look forward to being in a relationship long enough to have a chance to dump a woman. However I'm getting on in years, and in months I'm ancient, so that's not likely to happen. In short, it's not easy being me. but somebody's got to do it.

Malice Blackheart said...

All great tips, Megs,

And if you don't mind, I'd like to add one more:

DO feel compelled to organize a great big party in honor of the break-up. After a week or so of watching Sixteen Candles over and over, and eating twice your weight in chocolate, it's time to go out and officially celebrate your freedom with all your friends. And if they bring a few cute guys or gals along, that wouldn't hurt either.

You're free! FREE! YAAAAAAY!!!!

Meghan said...

Bruce- thanks for the nice words. You're too good to me.

Mermanda- back atcha, thanks!

Joel- dare to dream. I hope you get your dump wish one day.

Malice- never seen sixteen candles but agree chocolate in mass quantities can do no harm.

miss clover said...

i like this list.

Joanne said...

Appreciate your comments on :Now What?!" I also have done worse. Am co-writing a book about being dumped. Send your stories to:
dumped@haveyoubeendumped.com

or go to:
http://haveyoubeendumped.com

Onward..

Joanne