Monday, February 9, 2009

Shaggadelic, Baby!

As much stuff as the psycho ex left here for me to sell on Ebay, I hate to admit it but there's one thing he took and hasn't given back.

And I'm not talking bout the housekeys which took over a month to be returned after the threat of changed locks and bills.

No, I'm talking bout my mojo. He took it, and I want it back.

The zsa zsa zu, the purrrrrrr factor, the little something something that makes me want to wear heels a little higher and smack my glossed lips to match the batting eyelashes.

Nope, that sex kitten has packed her bags and left Meghanville, population .05. And it's embarrassing. I like flirting with guys. I'm good at it. Or at least I used to be. Same with sex. I'm sure it's like the riding the bike rules but fear by the time I get around to wanting some sexing I'll be back with tricycle wheels and a helmet.

I want to go out there and eyeball potential suitors for a date. I want to dress up and feel sexy and wear my feminism on my sleeve. I miss flirty witty banter and intellectual conversations with sexy nerdy men who flirt even if they don't realize it. I miss lusting after movie stars and fantasizing about the lead characters in the novels I read. I might as well trade in'Twilight' for an Oprah magazine. Yeah, it's that bad.

I live in yoga pants and makeup is an afterthought. Sexuality has all but been lost and forgotten from my daily thoughts and actions. There is no swagger in my step, no sway in my hips when I dance. Bedroom eyes are no more. Coquetteish momements have become clumsy and awkward. Innuendo has been replaced by irritated looks and even "self" love has lost its appeal. I use the batteries to go with the discman and the badass Spanish tapes.

I'm not going to go out there and have a one night stand or casual sex to prove I still got it. I know I still got it somewhere. Deep down in the cackles, or the subcackles. I just need to find something, or someone to help bring it back.

But what? Guess I'll have to work on that.

23 comments:

Bruce said...

Look between the sofa cushions and under the bed....it is probably hiding with the lost change and the dust bunnies.

Racquel Valencia said...

I bet there are going to be people who are all "yoga pants and no make-up IS sexy!!" but I don't think that's what you're really talking about here.

I feel you. There are days when I don't feel "sexy" at ALL... hell, sometimes they stretch out into weeks/months. Fat Days, Rag Days, BUST Magazine days... sometimes when I'm Doing It I insist on turning the lights off and even then I feel self-conscious and Not Hot.

But it will come back. Trust me. It's just that the time in between can really, really suck.

Joyless Prole said...

I know how you feel. I actually can't really even imagine sex or love right now. It seems like something a billion miles away that only happenson planets I'm never going to visist.

At last he didn't take your dignity. I'm sure a suave guy with a cuban accent will reawaken you sexuality on your trip.

Jamie said...

Meet me half way and we will get dressed up and go buy pretty drinks. Okay?

Paula said...

I am sooo with you on this - i know exactly what you mean! I just wish I'd sold all the shit my ex left me on ebay rather than leaving it in a cheap plastic bag under his desk one day. At least that way I would have got something out of the break-up!

Meghan said...

Bruce- hmmm, I just found change there for this mornings coffee.

Racquel-thanks for getting it.

Joyless-dignity is still in tact, thanksfully.

Jamie- my rough estimation thinks means meeting in Montana. I'm game.

Paula- guess you can't ask for it back to sell it. Wishful thinking?

Arjewtino said...

You mean it can go away?

Ed Yates said...

Maybe this is what your overseas trip is about?

Just having fun, experiencing different things, meeting new, sexy, different people. Maybe realize your difference relative to the rest of the human population.

Plus you are pretty courageous blogging about this topic. I know couldn't. It'd just come off as wrong. Plus with this fractured arm it aint like I can get up to any high jinx.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oh honey. I'm so sorry but I can honestly say that I have been there and back again. And you crack me up because I used the exact same words when I was speaking with my favorite nephew a few years ago.( he's like my best buddy) I told him I lost my mojo.

Sex and a man aren't the key to getting it back, but its a pretty good place to start. Also, some new wardrobe staples and possibly a new hair color or style could spice things up a bit. You are half way there babe cuz you know it still exists-you just need to let it shine. Whom ever or whatever it is that let's your "zsa zsa zu" come alive will come. I promise. Especially when you least expect it.

Kyla Bea said...

Oh I hate that feeling!!

I think that you're right, you have to work at it slowly. Maybe just by doing things that make you feel good at first and then by swapping out the yoga pants for jeans?

I'm guilty of the pants though. I live in what I call "My Comfy Pants" and the love I have between them, a banket, and Scrubs on a weeknight? Untouchable.

Maxie said...

I definitely know that feeling. Give it time-- it will come back :-)

TradingBoss said...

let it gone with the wind

Mike said...

I betcha the cheap sex will kill it forever.

Maybe it's the staying power you need?

Maybe the mojo has left until you can get stability to it?

I dunno. I'm not a doctor. I'm actually pretty stoopid when it comes to human psychology. Never mind.

Meghan said...

Arjewtino-for women, apparently. For men? Never.

Ed Yates- thanks. And at least your one arm will get stronger. Just sayin.

Candy- Glad I'm not alone :)

Kyla- Good call, time to break out my 'hot' jeans.

Maxie- It'll have a comeback that'll rival Britney's comeback!

TradingBoss- meaning Patrick Swayze has it?

Mike- no I get what you're saying and thanks. That or I'm stooopid too.

Leanne said...

THAT'S IT MEGS!!! First Night In Cuba I'm Rockin A Trucker Hat,Putting A Sock In My Pants,And Dry Humping The Crap Out Of You. If That Can't Give You A New Perspective..Nothin Will *Wink

Roland Hulme said...

The thing with mojo is that it only ever comes back the moment you stop looking for it.

You don't need me or anybody else to tell you that you're a smoking hot, unexploded Canadian sex-bomb and your fuse is SIZZLING.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

What size shoe are you??

crazyrandommusings@yahoo.ca

Oh and I need your address too.. Just in case.. I mean I am just saying is all.. I tend to be the "queen" of care packages...

Slyde said...

your on the right track. when you WANT to be that person again, you will be, without even thinking about it.

...love Maegan said...

oh you just need to be sexed up GOOD and you'll get it back :)

...love Maegan said...

ahahahha Bruce's comment is funny!

Meghan said...

Leanne- only you would think of that :)

Roland- you're awesome and thank you.

Randon Musings- for realz?

Slyde- you always have the best advice when not trying to get me to call people assholes in Spanish.

Maegan- hmmm, I could do my research on that...

Ed Yates said...

I'm totally getting a huge right arm while ol lefty shrinks. And it is so not even because of that! Although you'll be glad to hear I found out no elbow surgery is required though today. Hooray! Hope things have improved in your...well...areas of your life that need attention.

Yaz said...

i love the fact you used the word "subcackles"
i know that's not even close to the point of your post, and this is the first time ive ever seen your site but you are officially awesome, lost mojo-or-no.
my goal for the day is to use subcackles in a sentence at work.