I want it, and I want it all right now.
Fashion stuff, household stuff, stuff I don't even need or would know what to do with. Bring it on. My 101 list said I had to be debt free within 3 years and I have over 29 months left. Laughable. Bring. It. On.*
The thing is, normally I am quite the thrifter. Not by choice, but by survival. Even at twenty eight I am not beyond living paycheque to paycheque. It's become more of a lifestyle than anything. Living by myself equals rent, utilities, student loan payments, car insurance, food, credit and survivalist bills. This leave me with very very little bling to fiddle with, and the day to day necessities like coffee, and the occasional cheesecake or sushi date (any financial advisor that tells me these are not necessities can cram it) tend to eat it up.
I'm usually the one that can't afford stuff. Wait, let me correct that, I'm still the one that can't afford that stuff. Redheads tend to look good in green, and the green I usually wear is envy of friends who can afford frivolous and fancy things.Tech things. Shoes things. Purse things. Concert things. All a sounding board for me to be jealous of you. But suddenly with age, it's like a certain amount of vanity and entitlement has kicked in.
I feel like a failure when at twenty eight there are people my age that own nice cars, houses, have travelled extensively, and can buy nice clothes knowing that they don't need to stress about it. It's not fair to pin your life against anyone else's as we all have different paths, but at a certain point it's hard not to take a look around and see that I don't measure up. I don't regret the choices I have made as going to school in a different town and paying for it with student loans/waitressing jobs made me a stronger person, I just wish it wasn't still biting me in the ass with diamond encrusted teeth.
I don't wanna live in a student's apartment anymore, filled with makeshift tupperware end tables. I want a big bed with 300 thread count sheets and jewellery to go with outfits that match. I want to shop at a thrift store cause I want to not because I have to. I want to be able to get my eyebrows waxed without the consumer guilt kicking in (although really it's not laziness, it's essential. I can't draw a straight line much less pluck hair in a shaping motion). I want a gorgeous balcony with a quaint bistro and BBQ, not winter tires and a hand me down plastic chair set. Right now I could easily name twenty things I WANT off the tops of my head and could realistically justify them all to myself.
Of course as much as I have a hard on for all things material right now and could easily be portrayed as a slightly less popular Sophie Kinsella novel character, I don't want to slide down the slippery slope of debt. I watch shows like 'Til Debt Do Us Part' and want to shake the people in it as it's petty, immature and reckless behavior that has gotten them into those messes in the first place. It doesn't take a psychologist to realize that I am trying to validate worth through "things" to make up for certain life expectations not met at this age. And validation through finance is a dangerous game to play. Spending outside your means is a deliberate choice, plain and simple.
This isn't just a post to bitch and kvetch, even though I'm good at it, and could probably make a whole blog of whining, but to see if anyone else is in the same place. Do your wants sometimes out weight the logic of savings? How do you curb the cravings for Stuff? How does one start to become financially secure while trying to gain as they move into a more adult lifestyle? Any tips on how to come into my own economically without fisting my credit card? Some insight, tips, or just people relating so I know this is Normal would be muchly appreciated.
Same with a million dollars.
*By debt I don't mean student loans. Student loans are like the herpes of debt and shall stay with me for life with occasional flare ups of interest.