So, I ran into the one ex a few weeks back. Like, literally almost ran into him. And his reaction was to jump, and give a haphazard smile before turning and running in the other direction.
I love when I have that reaction with men.
And the sad thing is, I was the one to say hello despite the fact that almost six months later (not to mention the fact that I am somewhat involved with someone now) seeing him still makes me feel like throwing up. It literally knocks the wind out of me and my stomach does a fair ride flip.
But then last night, I was driving throughout town when at a stoplight, I saw a familiar face pulled up next to mine. The ex that three years ago ripped out my heart and threw it in a blender. The one that left me for a friend/coworker and was (part of) the reason I ended up on strong antidepressants. The one that made it feel physically ill to go to work every day and see them together and prompted me to leave that job to get the one I have now. The one that lied and manipulated and took advantage of my anxiety to paint a picture of paranoia rather that confess his wandering. The one I hated for embarrassing me publicly and couldn't be in the same room with.
And the thing is when I saw him, he smiled and waved. And I smiled and waved back. No anger. No tears. No nothing. Just a nod of recognition before heading on my way.
One day, down the road I'll get there with G. Not any time soon, but one day.