Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I Like Birthday Bumps

Guess what Thursday is? July 2nd. Also known as the day that I entered the world 29 years ago aka MY BIRTHDAY! But 29 has an uncomfortable ring to it so this year I am celebrating my 28th birthday Version 2.0. So rather than having a post where I talk about how much I learned over the year and how I'm going to manage the steep decline to 30 without self medication and wine(answer: I'm not), I'm just gonna blabber 'bout 29 random factoids bout myself for you to ponder over and wonder why I'm allowed this little space on the interwebs for myself.

1.) I am a horrible driver to the point that they call me 'Crash' at work. I have to date; ran over a railway crossing sign with my parents new SUV, fender bendered a Mercedes, hit a parked jeep, totalled an ex boyfriends car by hitting his friends car, hit another car that the girl had bought off the lot not only two hours before, rolled my car on the Coquihala and hit the cement stopper for parking every single day.

2.) So would it really be a surprise to see that I have been nominated twice for the show Canada's Worst Drivers?

3.) I love Diet Coke and hate Regular Coke but love Regular Pepsi and hate Diet Pepsi.

4.) Speaking of I live off fake sugar and Splenda is a godsend. I know reports have shown it's horrible for you, can cause early alheimers and pretty much rots your brain. But sugar rots your teeth and I can see my teeth whereas I can't see my brain so fake sugar wins.

5.) I don't like getting it on in the dark. Too dark. Candlelight or lamps, please.

6.) I just played my first ever game of beer pong last week.

7.) I tend to have trust issues with women more than men even though I've been cheated on by men.

8.) If you're a guy and you're cute, I've probably imagined us having sexytime together.

9.) I like porn. There. I said it.

10.) I am the worst singer you'll ever meet. But it doesn't stop me from belting out 'Small Town Girl' any time I ever hear it at a pub Every. Single. Time.

11.) I am fiercely loyal to the friends I have in my life, but I don't make friends easy. I have tons of acquantences but only a handful of really, really close friends.

12.) I only smoke when I drink. A pack of cigarettes will last me months and I'll freeze them or throw them out when they dry up. But will freak out if I don't have cigarettes on me. Cigarettes and beer are like ghetto wine and cheese.

13.) I'm the person people tend to open up to. I'm not sure why but people feel comfortable telling me all sorts of things. Friends. Strangers. It can be odd but also flattering.

14.) I had a stalker in second year college. Like a bonafide stalker, none of this half assed bullshit. He was never convicted and is still out there. I have made sure not not have a landline phone ever since and my address is not easily traceable.

15.) I worked for MTV Canada for one day years ago. I was deemed 'not cool enough' to work there full time. But it's okay. Cause I swiped food that was on the bands rider for the dressing room. Heh. Score one for eating Matt Good's cheese.

16.) I don't care how vulgar and uneducated it makes me sound, I fucken LOVE swearing.

17.) I want to meet one of those people where you stay up all night talking. They may only be in your life for a day but they will make an impact. It's been awhile since I've met one of those people.

18.) I don't floss regularly.

19.) I still can't call guys. Or if I do, I get completely nervous and clam up like I'm in highscool. It's a fear I've never outgrown.

20.) I have one tattoo on my back that is the japanese character for 'dreamer'. I plan on adding the characters for hope and strength this year.

21.) My favourite thing about myself is the fact that I am a natural redhead. I think we're special. Like an endangered species. I finally believe my mom when she says people would pay good money to have my hair.

22.) I would eat almost anything if it had cheese or chocolate on it.

23.) Even in my late twenties I still can't have foods touch each other on a plate. Every food has it's own special area on the plate and they are not friend with each other.

24.) I hate nightclubs. I like pubs. I like open mic sorts of bars or music venues, but hate nightclubs.

25.) I have twelve months to give all the people at 20SB a lapdance as a bribe to be a featured writer (lets be honest here. I'll do it either way).

26.) I never had my first "real" kiss until I was 18.

27.) If I comment on your blog and you don't comment on mine back I'lll take it personally.

28.) I have a knack for naming things. The laptop that died as of Sunday (water+laptops=not friends) was Winston(est 2005-2009). My car is Buzz Lightyear (cause it's an Infiniti). My vibrator was Travis (from blink182). My Blazer was Bessie (for the cow that died for the leather seats), and so forth.

29.) If I'm in an elevator by myself (not glass) I will do a dance but immediately stop when the doors open on any floor and them resume when it's just me again.

So since comments are my crack cocaine go on and give me a hit and throw me some comment love (and I mean you delurkers) to make my (birthday) day! Or just come here and I'll give you a piece of birthday cake.


Tricia said...

Yay I get the first comment! Happy Birthday Meghan! :)

I love your post!

I also appreciate your comment love! :) Maybe someday in the future I'll have something to say that isn't all "poor me" and my blog will be fun again!

For now thanks for listening.

Oh and I just turned 39 but I have decreed that I will not turn 40 - I'm going to start going backward now - next year I'll be 38, then 37, etc. Sounds good to me!

SplitRock Dozer said...

bitchen birthday bumps to you! Hope its great. I follow your blog but never post (until now), does this make me your second stalker? ;-p

Angela said...

Food on my plate can't touch EITHER! And I have to eat everything separately. It really freaks me out at Thanksgiving when people eat a bit of turkey, green beans, mashed potatoes, and jello in the same bite.

LiLu said...

"14.) I had a stalker in second year college. Like a bonafide stalker, none of this half assed bullshit."

Is it bad that I would totally take that as a compliment? ;-)


Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

My mom always told me that people would pay good money to have my hair too!

We are SO an endangered species.

little erin said...

hahaha. loved this post. happy almost birthdat lady!

Mike said...

Travis because your vib is on speed?

Leanimal said...

Doooooooooood Why Have You Never Told Me You Like Porn. When We're Bored On The Weekends. Why Aren't We Sitting Around Watching Porn, Drinking Beer, With Our Hands In Our Pants!!??(Ted Bundy Style)

SassyGirl said...

I'm the same with 4, 11, and 12!
Will have to try the elevator dance some time. I have a huge fantasy of making out in an elevator. One time, I asked a guy if he would kiss me in an elevator, not because we liked each other, just because we were alone in an elevator.
Yeah, I'm shameless.

Anonymous said...

i love your reasoning in #4, if i drank soda or anything even remotely sugary, i would probably have to agree.

i think 7 could be unanimous for most women. we all secretly hate each other, i don't know why we lie about it all the time.

and 22 and 23 = this girl.

Anonymous said...

ps. happy birthday!

Lad Litter said...

Agree about beer and cigarettes being a winning combo - when i gave up the cigs, i had to give up beer too for a while so i didn't fall back in again. But i did anyway.

Jamie said...

Dude. This is why I love you. You're blog is my favorite.

Happy birthday!

Wanderlusting said...

Happy Bday cutie! You are a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a vest. Were you seriously on Canada's Worst Drivers? That is HILARIOUS!

Roland Hulme said...

I don't care if you think it's vulgar, but I think you fuckin' rock!

Happy birthday!

I especially love this comment: "My favourite thing about myself is the fact that I am a natural redhead. I think we're special. Like an endangered species. I finally believe my mom when she says people would pay good money to have my hair."

Also - you spelt 'favorite' the British way.

And I LOVE that photo! That's got to be your new banner. Pirate Meghan, for shizzle.

You are AWESOME and the world thanks you for another year spent with you brightening it up. Rock on, sister.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

This is why I heart you..

I have stregth tat on my foot..

29 is a good yeah!!


P said...

happy belated birthday! I'm totally the reverse on the coke/diet coke/pepsi/diet pepsi by the way. which i thought was pretty weird as most people i know only like diet drink or full fat but i like both, depending on the brand...

Andy said...

I guess I;m a day late, but happy belated birthday honey!

Slyde said...

and here i thought your vibrator would be named after ME...

happy birthday sexy!

Rebekah said...

Okay, late. But happy happy birthday to you! Love the picture, Miss Pirate :o)

Meghan said...

Tricia- thanks for the kind words. And agree that the "0" birthdays should just be skipped ;)

SplitRock Dozer- thanks for the delurk and wishes, make yourself welcome!

Angela- just the thought of that made me shudder. My bestie gave a me plate with dividers for the b-day. LOL.

Lilu- at first it helped me know my sched better. Really. And thanks :)

Amber- like dolphins. Or the hope diamond.

Little Erin- thanks!

Mike- and cause he has a bad attitude.

Leannimal- porn date this Sat?

Sassygirl- shameless is the same as awesome!

Wekeepsaying- and oddly enough it's the guys that make it easy for us to hate each other. Oh, the cycle. And thanks for the wishes.

Ladlitter- I'll do both for you instead. Your welcome.

Jamie- and you're one of my favourite people, hands down. Thanks lovely :)

Wanderlusting- haha, didn't make it on the show but almost. And thanks!

Roland- thanks, your comment made me gooshy. We redheads have to stick together (and I spelt favourite the Canadian way, btw ;)

Random- I heart you too! And you should show the tatty on your blog.

Paula- thanks darlin. And we're not weird, we're eccentric ;)

Andy- thanks lovely!

Slyde- at least not that one...and thanks!

Rebekah- thanks, and late is alright, I'm just happy to get your wishes!

Organic Meatbag said...

Hey, happy birthday to ya! All of this floating around in a pool with a pirate hat shit sounds pretty damn sweet to me...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

oh no! I missed it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Racquel Valencia said...

This is hella late, but HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!!

Let's sound vulgar and uneducated together.

Anonymous said...

I fucking love #16!!!!! Happy Birthday!!!

Bruce said...

This is going to be really tough, because you share your birthday with my wife, so I am bound to get confused....espeically since you have probably fantisized about having sex with me (you have, havne't you, I mean, I am a sexy writer).

Seriously, we could have been twins seperated at birth, since most of the stuff you wrote applies to me, and the fact that I am 20 years your senior. Ok, twins seperated by 20 years.....

If we ever hook up and I going to let you drive my sports car while I swirl all the food on your plate together.....should be a rooten tootin bang up time. That is for sure.

Happy belated Reality Entrance Date.

Meghan said...

Organic Meatbag-thanks for the wishes, it was great.

Chelsea- better late than never, and I'm just ahppy for the wishes. Thanks.

Racquel- sounds like a fucken plan!

Courtney- thanks a fucking lot for the visit :)

Bruce- oddest comment ever. Thanks I think :P