Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Post Where I Tried Running and Died

Over the last month or so I've had a couple "gentlemen callers" in my life and it's been a good time (it's not as trampy as it sounds, honestly). But there's been one thing I can help but notice glaringly by having interactions with these men. They're both extremely active. Ugggh. Bachelor#1 just went to the Himalayas/India for three weeks to hike mountains in the snow. For fun! He's obviously insane and not to be trusted. Bachelor #2 also likes to wake up at the crack of dawn to run up mountains for fun. He calls it a 'hobby'. Meh.

The problem is that it draws attention to the fact that not only am I NOT extremely active I am not active at all. I sheepishly admit here that I have been almost proud of my laziness over the years and it's taken a lot of practise at doing nothing. Unfortunately it's also resulted in me having the lungs of an eighty year old crackwhore and the energy of a sloath. Extreme yoga helped with getting a bit back but I've still got a long ways to go before I would be what physicians call 'in shape'.

So with men as my motivation (what, did you think health and well being was going to do it?) I have decided to get into shape. But being poor means not paying a gym fee, so I looked at other means. Namely running.

The first challenge with this is I don't get running. I mean sure, go for it if some one's chasing you with a chainsaw or a bear is on your trail but otherwise I've never understood the appeal. When I see people running by me in the park I tend to give them a sideways glance of w.t.f. which could be translated as, "Why are you running when there are so many funner ways of transportation like sashaying and moseying and driving half a block down the streets in your car just to drop off the movie that's three days late."

But often where there is not understanding, there is curiosity and so I decided to go forth and venture to try this "running" out. First things a runner needs is a cute outfit. Check. Next, running shoes. Unfortunately for someone with over 30 pairs of shoes in the closet these were the closest I got to sneakers and velcro straps weren't just gonna cut it.

So off to Wallyworld I went to get runners that were cooler.There. I don't have a pic so you're going to have to trust me that they're cooler. Not that it would be hard to top the velcro/plastic sneaks. Only thing is it seems odd to wear socks with runners but even odder to not. Do they have to be black and match? What's the fashion etiquette of running?

But the next part in question was where I would keep my stuff? I mean I can't take a purse on a run and I can't not bring my car keys as well as a few dollars (in case I run past the ice cream shop) and ID. And fannypacks are obviously out of the question. I didn't trust leaving my purse in the car my the nice park area as it's not the best area of town ( homeless people like a view too I guess). So I did what any person would do. And shoved the loot down my shirt. With both a workout bra and normal bra it wasn't going to go anywheres.

And then I ran. And it was....odd. Note I run the way Phoebe Buffey does on the infamous Friends episode, so it's quite a sight to be seen.

Maybe I'll get Leanne to do a video feed one day so you can see the trainwreck for yourself. I almost hyperventilated a few times. I didn't. I almost threw up a few times. I didn't. But I didn't I would have shanked anyone for a water bottle by the end and made a mental note to bring one the next time. But all in all it wasn't the worst experience I've had. And may even try it again. But next time I'm going to throw 'Eye of the Tiger' on my MP3 player so I can pretend I'm preparing for a big fight in the end. Or in my case sexy time where I don't have to stop for a breather/glass of water.


Angela said...

I feel ya, girl! I cannot stand running for fun. Fun? YEAH RIGHT. Not ever.

Anonymous said...

Ugh- I unfortunately feel your pain 100%. Running? For no other reason but to get in shape? Bleh!

Lanette has this "learn to run" technique that I am going to try out. I went out with her once and I didn't hate it and I didn't end up feeling like I was gonna die (how I usually feel if I manage to hit a baseball far enough that I have to go all the way to 2nd base, or heaven forbid, 3rd!).

You should talk to her about this program, and maybe we can get going at it together (ohh la la).

P.S. I think black socks are strictly limited to "dress" attire, so I say go with sporty low ankle socks that just peek out of your sneaks a bit.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

i used to run. I started to train for my 1/2 marathon.

Once I did that though I have not run

But there is this cool little runners pack thing, not like a fanny pack that everything fits in.. I will have to find you the link
or boobs work too.. I do the same thing you can get little "sock" things to put your mp3 player in to avoid the boob sweat too

Children of the Nineties said...

I used to run. It's incredibly hot here, though, so I've switched to the gym. I've also found some athletic shorts and pants have a small zippered pocket in the back for keys, etc. I tend to put a couple of bucks in mine, in case I'm dying for a bottled water.

Anonymous said...

P.P.S. My Lulu's have a little pocket in the waistband where my house key and a $5'er fit perfectly.

Bruce said...

Running does more harm to your body than good...I would recommend swimming, although if you can't do a freestyle (knowing how to breath), you might sink to the bottom.

Maybe you should lower your standards to some pot-bellied balding lazy me....

Racquel Valencia said...

Running... is so terrible. I started doing it a week ago with my bro's GF because, while I'm skinny, I'm also a heavy smoker and fabulously unhealthy.

Today it's raining and 12 degrees and she's insisting we do a few laps. FML.

FoggyDew said...

I started running in January...and stopped in February due to an ankle problem. My advice: make sure you stretch. It avoides a lot of problems later.

Question: Are a lot of people getting chased by bears or mad men with chainsaws up there? Is that a legitimate concern when visiting the great Northwest? Although, it guess it's the Great Southwest to you, same diff.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oh girl, I am soooo proud of you. You go!
A runner I am not, so I have all the respect in the world for those who even try.

I predict that you will come to love this thing called running and become quite good at it. You took the first big step.

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

Those shoes are hilarious. I'm glad you didn't run in them.

I wonder if I'm one of the people who ran past you in the park and you gave me the WTF look. Haha!!

I have a "hydration belt" which is more or less a fanny pack with a place for a water bottle and a small pocket that I keep my blackberry, keys and $10 in. It's a little bit more stylish than a fanny pack though!

LiLu said...

"Note I run the way Phoebe Buffey does on the infamous Friends episode..."

It's okay. I dance the way Elaine does.

Mike said...

If you were whorier you could simply put your stuff in your vajayjay or other stretched orifices.

A fanny pack will do though.

Slyde said...

for what its worth, i work out 3-4 days a week for years now, but the one thing ive never 'gotten' either is running.. its just not for me..

but come over here and i'll give ya a good workout :)

SassyGirl said...

It's only bad cuz you're not used to it yet. If you really did run like Phoebe, you should be loving it! Haha.
But seriously, do it a few times, your body will get used to it, and you won't feel nauseous anymore. I used to get a headache from all the bouncing up and down of running, but now I barely feel a thing. Of course, I only run once every two months or something like that, so I'm not exactly an athelete, but whatever.
Also, I definitely stuff my shit down my bra too! Haha, I thought I was the only one!

P said...

Couldn't help but laugh at the sentence "I mean sure, go for it if some one's chasing you with a chainsaw or a bear is on your trail" - I agree wholeheartedly!!!!

Meghan said...

Angela- I'm trying but still not feeling it.

Kelsey-I must talk to Lanette about this technique asap, and thanks for the fashion heads up ;)

Random Musings- great idea, thanks.

Children of the 90's- good excuse for me to go shopping at athletic stores, thank you.

Bruce- I can't swim so I would surely sink. Not good for the trying to get fit aspect.

Racquel- in the rain? but you could slip and fall! better to stay in ;)

Foggydew- not as far as I know but better to be safe than dead.

Candy- bless your heart, you have more faith in me than I do. Thanks.

Amber- perhaps but it's more like curious amazement. Amd where do you get hydration belts?

Lilu- I mUST see video footage!

Mike- nope, no luck happening there.

Slyde- I suspect your workouts would be funner but less condusive for hiking mountains.

Sassygirl-me too, glad to see there are others that take advantage of the natural shelving.

P- I mean there's always soooome reason people run :P

Andy said...

Hmmmm... Me loves running. A lot. Like, 10 miles a lot. It makes you feel... liberated.


Wanderlusting said...

Bachelor #1 sounds like fun though! That's not so much exercise as it is an insane one but you know, that's fun too.

I got uber excited when you said Wallyworld, picturing you in a station wagon with Chevy Chase and then I realize you meant Wal-Mart. Boo-urns.

PS had no idea you had a blog...gotta link you now!

Wanderlusting said...

PS - maybe I did know you had a blog. Anyway, now I know it's funny :P

Roland Hulme said...

Running? Meh.

You DO look cute in the running outfit, though!

Meghan said...

Andy- If I could run 10 miles to feel liberated I would be doing it too.

Wanderlusting-now I wish it was the Chevy Chase scenario as that would have been far cooler. And thanks for the link-love, I'll throw it back :)

Roland- and you didn't even get to see the cute running pants.