The Post Where I Tried Running and Died

Over the last month or so I've had a couple "gentlemen callers" in my life and it's been a good time (it's not as trampy as it sounds, honestly). But there's been one thing I can help but notice glaringly by having interactions with these men. They're both extremely active. Ugggh. Bachelor#1 just went to the Himalayas/India for three weeks to hike mountains in the snow. For fun! He's obviously insane and not to be trusted. Bachelor #2 also likes to wake up at the crack of dawn to run up mountains for fun. He calls it a 'hobby'. Meh.

The problem is that it draws attention to the fact that not only am I NOT extremely active I am not active at all. I sheepishly admit here that I have been almost proud of my laziness over the years and it's taken a lot of practise at doing nothing. Unfortunately it's also resulted in me having the lungs of an eighty year old crackwhore and the energy of a sloath. Extreme yoga helped with getting a bit back but I've still got a long ways to go before I would be what physicians call 'in shape'.

So with men as my motivation (what, did you think health and well being was going to do it?) I have decided to get into shape. But being poor means not paying a gym fee, so I looked at other means. Namely running.

The first challenge with this is I don't get running. I mean sure, go for it if some one's chasing you with a chainsaw or a bear is on your trail but otherwise I've never understood the appeal. When I see people running by me in the park I tend to give them a sideways glance of w.t.f. which could be translated as, "Why are you running when there are so many funner ways of transportation like sashaying and moseying and driving half a block down the streets in your car just to drop off the movie that's three days late."

But often where there is not understanding, there is curiosity and so I decided to go forth and venture to try this "running" out. First things a runner needs is a cute outfit. Check. Next, running shoes. Unfortunately for someone with over 30 pairs of shoes in the closet these were the closest I got to sneakers and velcro straps weren't just gonna cut it.

So off to Wallyworld I went to get runners that were cooler.There. I don't have a pic so you're going to have to trust me that they're cooler. Not that it would be hard to top the velcro/plastic sneaks. Only thing is it seems odd to wear socks with runners but even odder to not. Do they have to be black and match? What's the fashion etiquette of running?

But the next part in question was where I would keep my stuff? I mean I can't take a purse on a run and I can't not bring my car keys as well as a few dollars (in case I run past the ice cream shop) and ID. And fannypacks are obviously out of the question. I didn't trust leaving my purse in the car my the nice park area as it's not the best area of town ( homeless people like a view too I guess). So I did what any person would do. And shoved the loot down my shirt. With both a workout bra and normal bra it wasn't going to go anywheres.

And then I ran. And it was....odd. Note I run the way Phoebe Buffey does on the infamous Friends episode, so it's quite a sight to be seen.

Maybe I'll get Leanne to do a video feed one day so you can see the trainwreck for yourself. I almost hyperventilated a few times. I didn't. I almost threw up a few times. I didn't. But I didn't I would have shanked anyone for a water bottle by the end and made a mental note to bring one the next time. But all in all it wasn't the worst experience I've had. And may even try it again. But next time I'm going to throw 'Eye of the Tiger' on my MP3 player so I can pretend I'm preparing for a big fight in the end. Or in my case sexy time where I don't have to stop for a breather/glass of water.