Sunday, January 24, 2010

My Points of Contention

Picture jacked from Here

I have to admit as much as I am a forward thinking career woman with a tongue like a whip, I still have some very old fashioned ideals when it comes to social etiquette. I don't believe you should answer your cellphone at a meal, guys should pay for the first date (unless asked on it), you should show up five to ten minutes early to an appointment, and thank you notes will never go out of style.

That being said lately there are a few things that have been annoying me endlessly, and it's been a point of debate among friends if it's socially fine and I'm just uptight, or if there are boundaries that some people just do not have respect for anymore. Either way it's an excuse to rant.

Scenario 1:
I'm out at a birthday dinner a month ago, at a nice restaurant where the dinner does not come free and that's fine. I give the guest of honour a nice and heartfelt gift along with a card which is appreciated and everything goes fine. Until the bill arrives and it was decided by the other guest that we would split it. I didn't want to be the ass that objects, but it was an extra 15 dollars to my bill I was not planning for when scrounging for Christmas presents. I would have gladly donated towards the dinner, but it was the expectation. I did not expect anyone to pay for my meal on mine, but that's just me. Maybe it's stingy, but it was a bit of a slap in the face after the expensive gift bought.

Scenario 2: I text someone. A day goes by, still no text back. They have updated their facebook or twitter, but no text. I understand some people are busy and not everyone has a witty reply or something to say. And that not everyone has their celly strapped to their side when eating/sleeping/bathing. But when you know someone is within constant range of their phone and they do not reply, it makes me stabby to a point of no return. Offensive, or just not expected?

Scenario 3: This one has been happening more frequently. You decide to have a social eve, so you invite a few friends out for drinks or dinner or whatever. They take that as an open invite to invite their friends. I'm all for meeting new people, and if you want to bring someone along, go for it. That's always a good time especially at social events. But recently there was a get together at a local watering hole and a couple guests took it upon themselves to invite no less than four friends of theirs. This lead to having no room at the table so that people that were originally asked to meet up had to leave. Is it wrong to think it's rude when someone takes it upon themselves to invite their friends to an event, even if it is in a public place and it was an open invite via facebook? I don't want people to feel out of place, but also feel there's a certain point when it becomes rude and also the person should mention it first.

Scenario 4: You are making small talk with someone at the coffee line up, elevator, etc. I'm the queen of small talk and have this uncanny ability to manage to talk fashion with strangers (which is odd being that I'm not fashionable). But lately I've found simply asking someone about their day/the weather has lead to the person leading into their sob story for no less than 3 minutes. Their kids are sick at home, their husband left them, the rent just got boosted which sucks cause hours got cut back at work. And not to sound like a complete heartless bitch, but really more often that not, I don't care. I just want to get my coffee from the line up without the awkward chat about court custody cases. I understand sometimes its loneliness, but seriously people need to think before they open their mouths. Discretion can be golden when I'm peeing in the stall next to you, and yes I've had it happen even there. Maybe it's heartless but I'm not a shrink.

These are just a few of the social boundaries I have noticed lately and have been up in the air about. Do you have an opinion about any of the above? What are your social grievances?


Nick said...

I don't know much about what's right and what's wrong in these types of situations, but all I really want to know is if it is socially acceptable to fart in an elevator.

Because if it's not, this is a society I want no part of.

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

Scenario 1 and 3 have BOTH happened to me lately and it drives me crazy to no end.

Scenario 3 happened to us at the beginning of December, we were all going out for dinner for my friends birthday and my other friend invited like 6 extra people and there wasn't enough room for anyone at the table. It was really annoying.

The texting thing is also annoying. You know what else bothered me recently, this texting conversation with a "friend" (we've gone back and forth being friends over the last couple years)

Her: Hey
Me: Hey, what's up
Her: Ntm
Me: Oh ya, how's your weekend
Her: Good, you
Me: Really good and laidback, thanks. What'd you do?
Her: Hanging

Like SERIOUSLY lady, YOU texted me, so if you want to "talk" then send me more than one-worded answers. One-worded answers in texts drive me CRAZY.

And this comment just got really long! Haha

Candy's daily Dandy said...

The whole cell phone thing drives me bonkers.

Probably because I'm a mom. My kids walk around with that thing glued to their faces. And don't get me wrong, I do too. I even feel guilty if I haven't checked it for a good 15 minutes. But Holy Mary, mother of God, can we get a break from our freaking hand held technological devices???

Somehow I think, life was better without all this crap.
Rant over.

Anonymous said...

I'm as guilty as they come for answering texts at a low-key dinner or pub outing, but I refrain when it's an occasion or anything like that.

I also find it UBER annoying if people don't return texts when you know they're around their phone constantly. Even if I don't have time to have a textual conversation, I try to send a reply anyways!

Leanimal said...

I Agree With All Of The Above My Love, Plus I Hate Everyone Equally ;)

Bathwater said...

you need to give the cell phone people a little leeway sometimes they don't get the message or it gets lost in a jumble of others or if you check yours never went through.

Crystal said...

I agree with #1... if they wanted a free dinner they should have picked a place where they eat free. If you were expected to pay for the dinner, you should have been given a heads up so you could have just given the bday person a card.
#2 An open invite to me is an open invite to bring whoever you want. Unless specified I would expect people to do this. I am however old fashioned and would ask you first if i could bring someone regardless if it's an open invite or not.
#3 Completely agree with you.

Stephany said...

Scenario #4 has happened to me so many times. It's really annoying and I don't really care THAT MUCH about your personal life. Seriously. I've been tempted to do that before but I just know how annoyed I am about it so I refrain. (Unless they're a really good friend who I've talked to about situations before. Then that's different.)

I haven't had Scenario #1 happen to me before but I've heard HORROR STORIES about other people before. Ugh. I would seriously get super pissed off if that every happened to me.

Who? Me? said...

Scenario two definitely gets me peeved off. If I text you, text me back. In a reasonable amount of time please. Please?

P said...

Scenario One played out pretty much the same as me at the weekend! And Scenario Two . . . that guy I was seeing last year used to do this all the time towards the end. Especially annoying that week he didn't contact me before he eventually ended it, where I was worried if he was still alive while he was putting annoyingly cryptic song lyric updates on Facebook. Twat.

Lanette said...

Ugh! The "pitch in for dinner" situation happened to Brody and I last year in ended up costing us about another $40+ on top of our own $100+ bill! Not impressed!

Regardless, this was one of my fav posts. Nice one!

Cuddleslut said...

Agreed, agreed, agreed. On all counts.

Rebekah J said...

I don't always mind the no-text-back, but I ALWAYS mind if I have asked you a question on that text, a specific question (not "wassup?") and you do not deign to reply. That is balls, I say.

So is the overshare on the casual how-are-you. Oy, sometimes I'm sorry I even ask.

Steph said...

The dinner thing? Doesn't worry me, as long as some mooch doesn't get to order the most expensive thing on the menu and not pay full cost for it. Also drinks should never be included in bill splitting.

The friends inviting friends thing is a pain in the arse, but not really rude, unless they take over the whole event.

The text thing annoys fuck out of me. I ALWAYS reply, even if it's only to acknowledge that I got it. That is just plain rude.

The lifestory thing, I don't ask people how they are anymore, I say "nice to see you" or "you're looking well". Don't give them an opening girl!!

Melissa said...

#1. That just pisses me off. Mainly because this sort of crap usually happens when you've gone out with a carefully planned budget for the evening, and then you end up paying more because someone decides to split the bill and suddenly the $40 you planned to spend (including tip) turns into $50 or $60. The only time I think this is appropriate is if it is agreed to split the bill evenly BEFORE ordering, and if everyone agrees to order menu items in the same price range. If I order the $10 salad and you order the $30 surf and turf, then sorry we are not splitting the bill down the middle.

Adrienne Hadaway said...

Thanks for the support about turning 26, I REALLY love your blog by the way. HILarious!

Adrienne Hadaway said...

S1: I think that's pretty standard. Sorry.

S2: Annoying and a litte rude, yes.

S3: Definetely rude - they should get their own table or at least ask you first.

S4: some people just don't understand small talk and act like complete freaks. But that's the risk when speaking to complete strangers - they may be TMI/sob-story revealing/let-me-tell-you-about-my-recent-lady-doctor-visit kinda people. Shrug.

Selaen said...

Hmm, Scenario 2? I'm very bad at that. I generally reply immediately to text's I get, but if I don't do it at that second, I will forget about it. So, days later you might get a random message answering a question you asked in that text. It's just a pure memory thing. I do the same thing with my emails. :P Mind like a sieve; most things just fall through...

Also, when it comes to smalltalk, I'm the odd one out (this comes right after Adrienne's comment. HA!). I don't do small talk. I'm so shit at it, I'd rather pretend you're not there because if you say something about the weather, I'll end up talking about my personal problems within five minutes. It's a skill, trust me. :) When talking to complete strangers, you do take that risk. I live in the UK, the land of small talk. And I work in a local corner shop, where I'm meant to converse with the regulars. The younger ones I can deal with, talking about the weekend and drunken debauchery, but older people? Not so much. It's all because I was born and raised in a culture where silence wasn't something to be avoided but a perfectly normal part of a social interaction. (Yeah. Finnish people are weird.)

So yeah, I'm a freak. :)


Meghan said...

Nick- if not lets pretend we don't know better.

Amber-yes, the one worded text thing is the worst. Great rant!

Candy- yeah I find it so rude when you're talking to someone and they are texting and not listening.

Kelsey- exactly!

Leanne- equal opportunist for hate? Awesome.

Bathwater- sounds like you're guilty ;)

Crystal- good points!

Stephany- Scenario 4 are the reason loud ipods are godsends.

Who?Me?-exactly! Thank you.

P- its the worst when its guys cause as women we tend to overanalyze. Grrrrr.

Lanette- ouch, that would suck.

Cuddleslut- thanks!

Rebekah- when asking a question it's the worst. It leads me to almost leaving angry texts.

Steph- you make good points I didn't think about. And will take the advice, thanks!

Melissa- agreed, its about the budget thing.

Adrienne-thanks. And don't be sorry, different opinions are a good thing.

Selaen- thanks for the comment, its interesting to see the other side of the coin.

Bruce said...

Hmmm, welcome to my world. Remember, Karma is a bitch and all these people will be stabed while they sleep by a band of roving rabid racoons someday.....just keep remember that when they are whining in your ear and asking you to split the check.

dale said...

If you invite someone into conversations repeatedly. No matter how trivial you think it is they will over share. Coworkers and conversations are like cows and electric fences they know you don't give a shit about how much better your life is than theirs but they really really want to eat the grass on the other side