The State Looks Down on sodomy

To answer Princess Polly's question in regard to embarrassment, I don't get embarrassed easily. Used to, but over the years desensitization has kicked in along with the common sense that to not be embarrassed I would have to 1.) stop drinking 2.) stop walking and 3.) stop talking. Since all are virtually unavoidable, it's just become a part of who I am, muchlike being short and awkward.


So rather than taking you through all my embarrassing moments chronologically throughout the years (you don't have the time to read and carpel tunnel would set in by then anyways) I'll just summarize with one doozie off the pile that comes to mind.



It was Thursday night at my college watering hole, and my lips were quenched by the sweet nectar of draft beer. Tastes like shyte but hits the spot. (Shoosh, I was young and broke.) There was an electricity all around that can only be caused by an overcrowded establishment serving alcohol to those young and in need. Sexual energy and tension perfumed the air. It was a night to get your crazy on.


And crazy is what I got. Flirting, drinking, smoking, dancing, laughing, touching,mingling; making sure all five senses were pleasantly aware and numb at the same time. It was somewhere between drink five and six that the drinker's curse hit me. Suddenly, I thought I was witty. Fuck that. I WAS witty! And funny. And I had important things to tell people, and gosh darned it they were gonna hear them. So what if the makeup I had carefully applied hours before had smeared like a watercolour left in the rain. I was still sexy and some lucky guys were gonna know it.


Sex trivia time!!!!!!! Time to show off my mad sexual skills to the masses. How awesome is that! Now as a part of Thirsty Thursdays there was alwas a trivia game given and based on each team's knowledge you could win prizes. Like more beer. It's like they were reading my mind and knew exactly what I wanted. It was gonna be awesome cause not only could I show off that I know what I'm doing in the sack to the table full of cute guys around, but I could win beer for everyone. Win-win, right?


The first few questions started and were surprisingly easy. A hush came over the crowd as people concentrated on writing down answers on paper to make certain other teams couldn't steal answers. The occasional giggle or snicker fell throughout the crowd as sexual terms came up but the competition was fierce. Then it came....


"Is Sodomy Legal in Canada?"

I decided that yes, yes it was. So I wrote it down. And promptly forgot about the question until it came time to go through and mark the answers with the crowd. There were debates over sexual terms...a woman's fav position is wha? What animal has the longest orgasm? And then came the part where we answered the question. Yes. It is legal in Canada, in fact.


The crowd laughed when hearing the news regarding sodomy, so bless my little heart and my alkihawl soaked membrane, I thought now would be a funny time to yell something out to the masses. So I did.


"THAT'S WHY WE LIVE IN CAAANNNNNAAADAAA!!!!!!!!!WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAA. YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Silence. Except the deafening sound of every head in the room snapping to turn my way. Hundred of eyeballs peering at me ...with....disgust? amusement? I couldn't tell. I was still laughing at my own joke while my friends pretended not to hear or know me. The host awkwardly chuckled and gave an, "Ummmm, yah, whooo." into the mic. He was just humouring me cause I slept with him. And threw him off.


For the rest of the eve I was greeted with oddball guys coming up asking what I was upto later, dirty glances from bar patrons and laughter from tables whenever I went past them. But at that point I was so fargone that it was only mildly embarrassing. Not enough unfortunately to stop me from remembering the incident the next morn. And as I came to, with the taste of sock and regret in my mouth the first words that came to mind popped out of my mouth to my roomates...


"What's sodomy mean?"

Open Book

I'm too freaking tired to post anything right now. But feel a Tuesday post is neccesary. Why? Just cause I said so. A real one will come this week. But for now I'm holding an open forum. Any question you'd ever want to ask (for the people that know me well) or are just pondering (for those who well don't know much abooot me at all) and I'm gonna answer honestly and to the best of my abilities. Pretty much I'm just knocking off a question/answer application from facebook.

Next thing you know I'll be poking other people's blogs and adding a "how great a kisser" are you quiz to the sidebar.

Sums Up The Weather Precisely

Song of the Week

My new fav song of the week.

Patrick Park-Life is a Song

This is the song I wish I had the talent and nerve to write an sing at a coffeehouse.

They Pay You To Do What?

So I got naked for a class full of students yesterday. They didn't even have to collectively buy me a drink with their student funds. It pretty much goes against at least three pages of the very thick employee guideline handbook I received upon job offer.

Okay, okay it's not so bad. I was a test subject for a spa therapy class and of course had the shirt off. And my pants were a bit high waisted (laundry day) so they had to be undone and hiked down. Of course I was moooshed down on the table so there was no peeksies, but it still felt weird considering I've had half of them as students in my class.

Also the fact that it's been too cold to go outside the house other than work for groceries muchless razors made sure I had a good three days underarm stubble to show off too. But it's cold, I live alone and am currently not getting laid so I figured what does it matter...oops.

So for fourty-five minutes I got paid to get a back massage. I love my job.

*** *** *** *** ***

I'm not going to post about Heath Ledger's untimely death at this point but am just going to refer people to read a beautiful story on http://chelseatalkssmack.blogspot.com about her day spent working with him. I'm glad she shared her encounter.

Where's the Cup?

5 Websites to try on For Size

I've been tagged by Maverick to share my top 5 websites I visit daily. Not sure if they're my top 5 but they are definately the ones that I can think of this early in the morning.

1.) Perez Hilton ; is like a dirty addiction. I think he can be mean and hypocritical and often his claims havevery little merits. I tell myself I will not click on it daily. It's a lie, as I'm hooked.

2.) In a similar vein, The Superficial. Also full of tabloid gossip but the sense of humour has me cackling out loud behind my desk at work.

3.) Veg Web. Good recipes for vegetarians and vegans, some yummy and tasty and some just pretentious and gross. But it's nice for any vegetarians looking to get away from natchos and pizza pops.

4.) http://www.msn.ca/ is actually good for having credible and up to date news sources, entertainment news and links to articles that help me to waste my day wisely in the office. Knowledge about home reno's, 'if he's the one' and 'how to dress for success' are amongst some of the daily time munchers.

5.) To copy Mav all the blogs I read that are interesting and informative and make me realize ther's so many people worldwide that have similar viewpoints and great stories to share. Thanks to all of you:)

Now it's my turn, so I'm going to tag

Lucas

Jessica

Pirate Jessica

Chelsea (Talks Smack)

Princess Polly

Happy websurfing!

Ouch

1 bottle of Wine
2 Minijugs of beer
2 Ceasars
? Tequila

Is all it takes to have the worst headache I've ever had for two days.

So You Think You Know Your Friends....

And then one night he* invites you over for pizza. And you bring the beer. And you end up watching porn. And the following conversation takes place....

Me, "She's faking it."
Him, "Well she seems to be enjoying herself."
Me, "Haha, you can't tell when a girl is faking."
Him, "Or I've just never had a girl fake."

Me, "Ewww, is that girl sticking something in that other girl's bum?"
Him, "Yeah. What, " (shocked) "you've never done that?"
Me, "Umm, no. Gross."
Him, "It's not so bad."
Me, (shocked), "You'va had something stuck in your bum?"
Him, "No, but I've been with a few girls who have liked it."
Me, "Gross."


Me, "Is that guy licking that girl's bum?!?"
Him, (even more shocked), "Wait, you've never had a guy do that to you."
Me, "No, I would kick a guy out of my bed for that. I've kicked guys out of my bed for less."
Him, "So, I'm guessing you've never licked a guy's ass before."
At this point the look on my face was enough to clarify the answer.
Him, "You're more innocent than I gave you credit for."

Him, "That's right, take that dirty girl and have sex with her on the beach."
Me, "Something about sex on the beach is very unappealing. I think it's the thought of sand in the vadge."
Him, "But it would be worth it."
Me,"Meh, to each their own. Just like I don't know about having sex in a hottub ever since I heard about air bubbles causing embolysms and sudden death."
Him, (now it's time for him to give me the weird look) "Hasn't happened to me yet."
Him, "Are you sure you're not a virgin?"

*name protected for my sexually deviant comrade.

Self Maintaining.

Can anyone explain to me what high maintenence is?

No, I'm actualy quite serious. I have no idea what is considered 'high maintenence' and when I ask my guy friends they either don't know how to answer or get uncomfortable about trying to explain it to a woman who has been branded as such.

I've had a handful of people admit over the last few years that I would fit the typecast when the debate has come up. Mid twenties dating forums always have the recurring theme from men complaining about not wanting to deal with high maintenence women. But in order to know how to fix a problem, one would have to know what the problem is first.

Now I have my theories. The first being that high mainenence is a woman who expects a guy to foot the bill all the time. (also known as the elusive maneater) This is somethingI can definately not be accused of for a few reasons 1.) I never date guys long enough to have that be the case. 2.) I don't like guys to pay for my bills. Sure, when you have a boyfriend and he wants to take you out for a meal I'm not gonna object. But I would never expect or accept anything from a guy beyond as it can create a power struggle and I am a control freak (that could be a part of it....). I'll be that girlfriend that'll get beer and pizza when coming over to watch hockey (yes I like hockey and beer and pizza. Not just throwing it out there to seem like a 'girls's guy). ou pay for dinner and I'll pay for the movie sort of deal. Fair is fair.

The next is someone with too many demands/rules etc. within a relationship. Now, I do have high expecations of people and therefore this could be confused with high mainenence. Ex.) If you say we're going to meet for coffee at 3:00, show up at 3:00. People run late, and life happens but if you show up twnety minutes late every freaking time, I'm gonna be pissed. I don't consider that high mainenence, more common courtesy. I don't care if a guy takes off to Vegas for the weekend with his posse. As long as he doesn't come back with another women's name tattooed across his chest or a raging case of hepatitis, have fun!

The next clue to high mainetence-ville-ski is taking forever to get ready. This I am guilty of. But i will not apologize for the process. It's not a 2 hour process it's 45 minutes tops for a night out on the town and I find they guys tend to appreciate when their lady looks good, has unfrizzy hair, smooth legs and unwrinkled clothes so deal. I don't expecta guy to wait around for the process (moreof a private affair) and I shall not make someone late because of it. I have a watch and know how long I take to get ready and will make certain that it's within appropriate time constraints.

The final clue to the high maintenence gal is one who is clingier than saran wrap on a brownie. Also, just not my style. Sure I'll call people, text them and facebook msg, but within social norms. If I spend too much time with any one person in particularyou will anoy me. I love my independence and space.Nothing personal. Iwould expect the same. You have other friends, so do I. One day they'll meet and join forces and possibly take over the world together. But today I'm hanging out with my girls, so you do whatever it is that you want.

So with all factors explained, I'm still confused as to what exactly is 'high maintenence' and how I foot the bills. it's hard when not everyonewho reads, knows me personally it's just me throwing it out there for kicks.so that when people say "well, I guess you're kind of high maintenence' I can calmly explain that I am perfectly capable of self maintaining.