My Mouth is My Weapon and I'm All Outta Ammo.

So, as noticed by the highly astute Lanette I am infact a dirty liar with pants set ablaze on fire as I failed to meet my self imposed deadline. But that's not to say I am not chock full of good excuses for my lack of fun-ness and overall shenanigans.

1.) The TMI Story; yeah I just chickened out. Plain and simple. I'll talk about my encounters with vibrators on here, bad dates, grilled cheese sex and my love for sodomy but there are some stories that even I can't bring myself to share here. The boundaries I have may stretch as far as the naked eye can see but they are out there somewhere just like the force. And when I cannot be certain of family friends/coworkers and others possibly reading my blog I just can't open up the deepest darkest corners into my hall of shame. At least not this week.

2.) Health hell. Plain and simple. Remember how in the last post I explained that this is the busiest time of year for work up until later next week? Well, I thought it would be a little better if I could pull off event coordinator hell with a few challenges thrown in. So I promptly lost my voice for three days. Now although it doesn't excuse the lack of blog postage as blogs involve writing not speaking, it is tiring to want to blog after you have been typing your message to your coworkers all day (CAP LOCKS MEANS I'M YELLING AT YOU! ALTHOUGH LESS SCARY, IT STILL MEANS SOMTHING!) and conversing through lewd body language. It's surprising I don't have more sexual harrassment suits against me. I'll have to start trying harder.


But that's not the icing to the sweet week of hell cupcake, the sugary buttercream frosting involved massive dental surgery yesterday.


Wheeeeeeee!

See, once upon a time I got my wisdoms/2nd molars out ( I hve a very tiny mouth and they don't fit. That's what she said.) Turns out the nice dentist lady didn't take it all out (that's not what she said). Namely chunks o' leftover teeth (feel free to cringe and vomit now). After meeting with my current very nice dentist who is as generous with drugs as she is with compliments it was decided they were coming out once and for all as well as one tooth that was damaged in my massive car wreck last year that involved a mouth full of glass. It's a shoddy deal to realize via x-ray that you have to get stuff taken out of your face, but it could be worse. I could be this gal.

Talk about paying out the ass for your cell phone bill.

Anyhoozle, back to the story. So after getting proked, prodded and pulled yesterday it was upto my bestie Leanne to take care of the drugged out mess that was me. Being that I was on Ativan. novocaine, T3's, ibuprophen, antibiotics and more; I am currently a walking pharmacy plug that would make Lindsay Lohan cream her panties. Needless to say yesterday was a complete blur and I don't even remember being in the Superstore to pick up my prescriptions. And it doesn't explain why my ass is sore today. Leanne? I'm looking at you.

So today I am puffy, can't talk, drugged out and drooling. I think it's safe to say I'm finally getting closer to being "the marrying kind". At least right now I can constitute puddings and T3 as breakkie with any feelings ouf guilt. That guilt shit just ruins everything. So if you don't see me for a few more days that's the reason why; I'm going to be running around and coordinating events as all good event coordinators do, but this time with the added bonus of chipmunk face and a menagerie of antibiotic good times.