Friday, November 6, 2009
Nom Nom Nom
In light of yesterdays candy post, I'm going to hammer the final nail into the Halloween posts....
If you're anything like me, you like structure and there is no better way for a kid to gain obsessive compulsive and organizational behaviors than with Halloween candy. I remember on Halloween night dumping out the pillowcase onto the livingroom floor, shifty of anyone eyeballing the good stuff, and with frozen fingers and a buzz, sorting it into 3 bowls. The Good Stuff. The Alright Stuff. And the Throw Outables.
Here is where I show you how to determine between the three piles.
The Good Stuff: any full size chocolate bar easily goes into the good pile. Hands down. Along with anything with chocolate or nuts in it, peanut free label be damned. Everyone knows the little nugget sized bars of Snickers and Oh Henrys made any lunch day better and you would be the one the kids wanted to trade snacks with on the playground. Not that you would. Suckers.
The Alright Stuff: This is the pile where the wagon wheels and granola bars go. Not bad snacks by any means, but they're already the usual suspects in the lunchbox so they're not really special. This pile is mean to be eaten when The Good Stuff pile of candy is gone and yet you don't want the remnants of free candy to be over. Sour Kids and Caramel Corn always end up in this pile for me, but you may find that they belong to the Good Stuff pile and I can respect that.
The Throw Outables: Any fruit by default ends up in this pile because my mom said that she knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who ended up with poison or some sort of razor blade in unwrapped food. And my mom isn't a liar so we should all listen to her. Also in The Throw Outables pile? Raisins. Anyone who gives raisin on Halloween is by default an asshole. Even at seven this was apparent. Those weird corn candy things with the trifecta of ugly fall rainbows have always made their way to this pile as well as Rockets candy. Even as a kid, mamma wanted the good stuff and knew her ghetto candy when she saw it. Also in this pile? Candy apples. Covering a fruit in sugar doesn't mean there's not fruit underneath it. Caramel apples however? They obviously belong in the Alright Stuff pile. But eat it before you get to the rest of the pile due to the time sensitive nature of the fruit underneath.
Anyways, I hope this lesson in Halloween candy sorting 101 has been helpful and remember if you need any help next year I'd be more than happy to come over to supervise the sorting. But this of course means I get to choose what I want from your Good Stuff.