Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Single Goggles

Single goggles are cousins to the beer goggles and are infact interchangable and sometimes easily swapped. But whereas beer goggles fog your vision to make the opposite sex funnier, sexier and worthwhile of relations, single goggles are trickier.

You see beer googles happen within a twenty four hour period and are akin to sunglasses at night and when ripped off in the morning light, slap you in the face with the mistake made in the sense of someone who's drivers license you look at while in the washroom and promise to friend on facebook.

But single goggles are goggles you have on all the time but fog up over time. The prescription gets stronger the longer you go without kissing, dates, and "relations". They make you question that ex you broke up with years ago and think that their drug problem really isn't that much of a dealbreaker. They make you look at that guy at the party with the limp and the unibrow and wonder if maybe he has great character and personality other women haven't discovered yet. They make you eyeball men at the grocery store and see if their groceries are similar to yours and if this is enough for a conversation starter. That guy on the dating site that has 'n/a' under profession could just be mysterious, and that guy at the bar with the Ed Hardy shirt....well that's where I draw the line.

But the single goggles are glasses that come on after a certain point of singleness, and the prescription gets deceptively stronger over time which is why you need the advice of a wingman. Not the beer goggle wingman, those have a whole other set of wingman rules I'll go over at some point. But the single goggles wingman will coax you from texting that guy that asked for your number and failed to follow through. They'll verbally (and physically if need be) slap you across the face if you think about taking him back just one more time, cause it's just soooooooooo comfortable with him. They'll encourage you to date, but won't let you scrape the bottom of the barrel just so you can at least feel like SOMEONE wants to take you out for coffee.

I think it's safe to say we've all wore a pair of single goggles at some point or another. Have you ever worn them or been a wingman for a friend with single goggles?


P said...

I've been there on MANY occasions, believe me!

trying to be a bit pickier now though these days. Makes the self-hate the morning after a little less unbearable... :)

Mike said...

I pretty much quit drinking so waking up beside land manatee's is non-existent.

Andhari said...

It's SO AMAZING how you said it. So RIGHT. Single goggles are dangerous, this is why you gotta have a wingman / wingwoman in the form of your best friend who dont give any bullshit. for serious. haha.

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

Hahahaha, great post. At first I thought it was going to be about you getting new glasses.

I have definitely TRIED to help out some of my friends who are wearing the single goggles. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Haha

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm a random blog creeper, nice to meet you! I actually came across your blog a while back, through a college buddy, Jess. I don't think I've ever commented until now. Single Goggles? I hear ya sista! The single goggles and I used to be very close. Uncomfortably close. To the point of damage, mostly to my self esteem. And then one day three years ago, the prescription didn't fit anymore, and haven't since. No signs, no warnings, it just happened. I know everyone says that...when you stop looking it all falls into place. Cheesy, maybe. Cliche, absolutley. But that's my experience.

You'd probably look good without them, but for the record, I think you rock the single goggles!

Mich said...

Lol brilliant!!

I'd like to think I don't and shall never need a wing(wo)man. Although I know myself that may be wishful thinking!

Meghan said...

P- I find single goggles don't have a morning after but a slow realization of wtf.

Mike- not beer goggles, single goggles.

Andhari- a real best friend will shake you like a baby before letting you make a potentially bad man decision.

Amber- at least you tried!

Anonymous- thanks for the comment. Of course I'm curious if I met you at their wedding now! And thanks, I'm glad you're doing great with in love contacts on now.

Mich- it can happen to anyone ;)